Newbie
by The Highwayman
Summary: Finished! A new recruit to the G.I. Joe team feels her way around during her first few days. Set towards the end of the first Sunbow season. PG-13, except for part three which is R due to some language and suggestiveness.
1. Part One

The sun beat hard on the artillery range. It was hot; much hotter than it had been earlier that morning the first time Cpl. Mae MacDougal had taken his artillery drills. She walked to the end of the field, carrying a long, thin case past a line of other soldiers taking their target practice, stopping when she reached the end, next to Pvt. Markowicz, who had arrived at the base a couple of days earlier.  
  
"Hold your fire!" shouted the sergeant as a target was set up for Mae.  
  
Markowicz was puzzled. "Didn't I hear you were here earlier?"   
  
"I'm off duty," she replied. "This is what I do to wind down." She opened the case and pulled out a quiver, which she opened and strapped to her back. She reached back down and pulled a longbow taller than she was, and checked the string.  
  
The target, a six-foot tall cutout of a man holding a semi-automatic pistol, was ready. Mae squinted; the sun was in her eyes. Then, one right after the other, pulled arrow after arrow from her quiver and let them loose in one fluid motion.  
  
THWIPP. One in the pistol hand.  
  
THWIPP. The heart.  
  
THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. THWIPP. All in the head.  
  
Mae proceeded to take aim and fire a shaft into each of the eight targets on the field, the last one being a hundred yards away. All of them were dead center in the heart.  
  
Markowicz stood there, slackjawed. There was a smattering of applause from the others at the range, who had stopped their own exercises to watch. Mae ran out onto the field to collect the arrows. He had gotten about halfway when he heard, "MacDougal! Front and center!"  
  
Mae turned around; a jeep had driven up while she'd been shooting, carrying a visiting general who'd been at base for a few days now. Running to the jeep, she waved goodbye to Markowicz, who stood gaping at the target which had received the brunt of the action, and at the perfectly symmetrical happy face Mae had fired into the head.  
  
The general stepped down from the jeep. "Corporal MacDougal?" he asked.  
  
Mae gave him a salute. "Yes, sir."  
  
Returning the salute, he said, "I'm General Abernathy. Let's go talk."  
  
*****  
  
Mae was hopelessly lost. She had arrived at G.I. Joe headquarters that morning with orders to report to the top sergeant first thing. The MP out front had given her directions which seemed designed solely to confuse and annoy. She hadn't seen another person for at least ten minutes.  
  
Maybe there was still time to pursue a career in ice fishing.  
  
She was about to turn around and try her luck with the MP again when she heard someone coming.  
  
"Excuse me," she said. "Could you-"  
  
She was interrupted when a huge dog lit out from behind the approaching soldier and ran at her at full speed. She barely had time to shriek in the most dignified manner possible before he knocked her down and began licking her face as if it were covered in gravy.  
  
"Dammit, Junkyard, get over here!" A tall, stocky man, with dark hair and mustache, ran up to Mae and tried to pull the dog off of her. "I'm sorry about that. Junkyard gets excited sometimes. Are you okay?"  
  
Mae laughed, petting Junkyard as she sat up. "Yeah, I'm all right. I take it you're the welcoming committee?"  
  
The man said, "Oh, you must be one of the new recruits. I'm Mutt. Pleased to meet you. You already know Junkyard."  
  
Standing, Mae replied, "Hi. I'm, um, Cricket," she said, wincing at the nickname she hated which had, naturally, become her codename. "I'm your new grunt-slash-computer nerd."  
  
Matt raised an eyebrow. "Really? Breaker'll be relieved; he's been going 24/7."  
  
Cricket asked, "Can you help me? I'm supposed to report in to Sgt. Hauser and I think the guard out front is trying to make me cry with the directions he gave me."  
  
"No trouble. It's on my way."  
  
*****  
  
Duke glanced through Cricket's orders while she waited.  
  
Code Name: CRICKET  
  
File Name: MacDougal, Mary C.  
  
Primary Military Specialty: Computer Technology  
  
Secondary Military Specialty: Intelligence  
  
Birthplace: Boston, Massachusetts  
  
Grade: E-4  
  
He smiled at the line that read "Like her namesake, Cricket is small and very, very loud." Reading up on her history, he saw that she had been the soldier who had taken down Firefly in Cobra's abortive attempt to steal the Gravity Core being guarded at Ft. Hama, which was exactly the reason she had been brought in. It was surprising to look at the girl who went with these files; Dressed in green fatigue trousers and a long-sleeved black shirt, Cricket was small, barely 5'3", with dark brown hair that refused to stay out of her face. She also looked far too young to be there.  
  
"Mary, is it?" asked Duke.  
  
"Um... well, it's Mae, normally. My mother calls me Mary when I'm in trouble."  
  
Grinning, Duke remarked, "I'll have to remember that." He read the file some more. "Says 'Special Weapons' here. Care to go into any detail?"  
  
"I'm an archer, Top."  
  
"Call me 'Duke'. Archery, huh? Where'd you learn that?"  
  
"It wasn't anything official. I've been doing it since I was a kid, and my old C.O. used to let me practice on base when I was off duty. I was hoping to make the Olympics. I guess they thought I could give you some help up here."  
  
Duke wondered. She must be very, very good indeed if Hawk had even looked at her twice.  
  
*****  
  
There was a knock on Duke's office door. 'You in there?"  
  
Duke looked up from his work to see Scarlett standing in his doorway holding a disc. He smiled. "Come on in."  
  
"Not too busy?" Scarlett asked.  
  
"No, I've been looking for an excuse to take a break. What's up?"  
  
She held up the disc. "I wanted to show you something I thought was interesting, if you have a few minutes." She went over to his computer and opened the DVD drive. "This is from this morning."  
  
The screen came to life, revealing a black and white image of Beach Head's obstacle course. The ski-masked drill instructor was, as usual, making life miserable for anyone within earshot. Today, that included Scarlett, who was standing with him, and the new kid, Cricket. Duke could only imagine what Beach was saying to brighten everybody's day, however; there was no audio.  
  
"Security video?" he asked Scarlett. He knew that Breaker often recorded the first run every new recruit made through Beach Head's obstacle course, partly for file purposes, but mostly to torment them later.  
  
"Yeah. I had Breaker run me a copy to show you." She pulled up a chair next to him. "Beach Head asked me to help demonstrate the high beam to the new recruits." She smiled. "He wasn't happy; he's not wild about the few women on the team now; Cricket looks like she's about twelve."  
  
"Gee, Beach Head was complaining. I'll cry myself to sleep tonight. So, what am I Iooking at? The high beam?"  
  
Beach Head had finished tearing down the recruits' morale by that point, and signalled Scarlett to climb to the platform. The high beam, twenty feet long by about four inches wide, stood eight feet over a pit two feet deep in mud. On the opposite end of the beam were a pair of lasers, trained on the person trying to cross.  
  
"They weren't set to kill, obviously," Scarlett said.  
  
"No, but they hurt like hell if they hit," Duke replied.  
  
Scarlett nodded. "You know how it is; show the newbies someone who's done it before so when they can't do it the first time they'll feel like crap."  
  
Duke rolled his eyes. "Not too many make it across the first time. Taking one of those lasers feels like getting hit with a steam hammer."  
  
On the screen, Scarlett ran across the beam, jumping over, ducking under, and generally avoiding the lasers as best she could. It was easy to see why Beach Head had chosen her to do the demonstration; she really did make it look simple. This did nothing, however, to ease the look of panic evident on the new recruits' faces.  
  
Cricket was next. As she climbed the ladder, Scarlett asked, "Duke, how old is she?"  
  
"Her greensheet says she's twenty. Joined up at eighteen."  
  
"That's crap. She can't be older than eighteen now."  
  
Duke shrugged. "Kids lie about their age to join up all the time. I'll talk to her abou-" He became distracted by the screen. Cricket had made it about a quarter of the way across before she took a laser right in the stomach. It knocked her backward, toppling her from the beam.  
  
Clutching her stomach with one hand, she caught herself with the other, slowly pulling herself back on.  
  
Duke was impressed. She was tough.  
  
She bent over for a minute. Beach Head could be seen to be pointing at her and yelling something. "He was warning her not to throw up on his obstacle course," Scarlett said, grinning. "Always concerned about the welfare of his charges."  
  
After a minute, Cricket started off again. She dodged two more bolts from the twin lasers before taking another one in her left shoulder, which finally knocked her off the beam, about three steps from the finish.  
  
"She did good. Better than most," said Duke, admiringly.  
  
"She did, but that wasn't what I wanted to show you. Watch this."  
  
Cricket went to the top of the platform again. This time, she was holding her bow with one hand. She let Beach Head yell at her for a couple of minutes and then very calmly reached into her quiver, drew two arrows, notched them, and let them fly into the barrels of both lasers with a single shot.  
  
Duke blinked.  
  
"What just happened? Play that back." Scarlett rewound, then replayed the scene in slow motion. According to the timecode, Cricket's action, from moving her hand toward her quiver all the way to both shafts hitting their targets dead center simultaneously, took 1.2 seconds. She then calmly strolled across the beam.  
  
Beach Head slowly worked his way from stunned to apoplectic. He pulled Cricket off the platform bodily and chased her around the compound, occasionally kicking her in the ass to make her run faster.  
  
Scarlett said, "Beach Head just about threw a fit. Question; I couldn't understand what she was doing with her bow on the obstacle course. She said you told her to keep it with her until further notice."  
  
"Yeah. We don't have anything like that on base except for your crossbow, which she's not rated for. I need her to be able to get at it in a hurry if there's ever an emergency. Until we can put archery equipment in the weapons lockers around base, I don't need her running back to her quarters every time Cobra decides to knock on our door." He watched the tape again. "I'll have to let her know that having it with her doesn't mean she can use it while she's training."  
  
"Don't worry; Beach Head's taking care of that now. What time is it now?" asked Scarlett. "About eleven?"  
  
"Yeah, about that."  
  
"This tape is timestamped 0800 hours." She went to Duke's window and pulled up the shade. Sure enough, Cricket, looking like she was about to pass out, ran by the window, with Beach Head screaming obscenities close behind.  
  
Duke chuckled. "Well, sure, but a day without abuse from Beach is like a day without sunshine." His chuckling turned into outright laughter when he heard, off in the distance, Cricket miserably wail "It's my first day!"  
  
*****  
  
Scarlett watched Cricket stumble her way into the mess. Duke had pulled Beach Head away on an imaginary errand to give the newbie some relief. She had felt badly; new recruits always had a rough couple of days when they started, but Beach Head usually went way above and beyond where he needed to. She was about to call Cricket over to sit when she saw Shipwreck sprinting towards her.  
  
Lady Jaye plunked down her tray across the table from Scarlett and sat. "Haven't seen much of you today."  
  
"I've been pretty busy. Have you met the new kids yet?" Scarlett asked.  
  
"No, but I've seen the tape," Jaye replied.  
  
"That was fast."  
  
"Hell, that was four hours ago. That tape's made the rounds. Breaker's been dubbing copies all morning."  
  
Scarlett asked "Well, what do you think?"  
  
"I think she's going to do really well. Cricket can obviously shoot; it remains to be seen whether or not she can do it again when real people are shooting back at him. But I was impressed she got back up in the first place. Not too many people can take more than one hit off that thing, and - what's Shipwreck doing?"  
  
Scarlett turned to look. Shipwreck had brought Cricket over to his table, along with Gung Ho, Bazooka and Alpine. That couldn't be good. "Oh, Christ. Don't tell me it's Ship's turn to haze the newbie."  
  
"Really? Oh, this'll be fun. Shipwreck always picks something incredibly inappropriate and in full public view."  
  
They watched as Cover Girl went over to the men's table, rescuing Cricket. By the looks on her face, it was too late. She'd gotten her task. They came over to Scarlett and Jaye's table and sat down.  
  
"Hey, we were just talking about you. How are you feeling?" asked Scarlett.  
  
"Better. I stopped throwing up about half an hour ago. All in all it's been a busy day."  
  
"It's only noontime."  
  
Scarlett took a bite of her sandwich, and noticed Snake Eyes wandering around with a soda in his hand. He usually ate in his quarters, but had recently been making an effort to be somewhat more sociable.  
  
Scarlett waved him over. "Hey, you," she said. "Is it Monday already?"  
  
Snake Eyes shrugged. "Yes. Is there a seat open?" he signed.  
  
Jaye indicated the seat at the end of the table. "Right over there. Have you met Cricket yet?"  
  
"No, but I've seen the tape. Good work." He offered his hand.  
  
Cricket took it, and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know sign language."  
  
"He's congratulating you on this morning," said Scarlett.  
  
"Oh. Well... thanks."  
  
"Don't mention it," Snake signed.  
  
"You'll have to learn to sign at some point," said Cover Girl. "Snake here does a lot of the hand to hand training."  
  
Cricket watched as Snake Eyes put a straw in his drink, then opened his mask a fraction to allow the straw in. He sat there and drank his soda, completely uninterested in the conversation at the table.  
  
"I gotta tell you, Cricket," said Jaye, "I saw the security tape of this morning's workout. That was impressive."  
  
Cover Girl said, "Tell me about it. My first time on that thing, I didn't even make it to the top of the ladder before I took a shot. I certainly wasn't about to climb back on."  
  
Cricket blushed. "Well, thanks. I guess I just have this thing about doing stuff that drill sergeants don't think I can do. I get underestimated a lot. I'm not that much of a gymnast, so actually dodging the beams on that bar wasn't going to happen."  
  
"We'll get you there," signed Snake Eyes. He had been paying attention after all. "There's a lot of training ahead of you. So, what made you decide to transfer over here?" Scarlett translated for him.  
  
"I was invited. I was stationed at Ft. Hama, and -"  
  
Cover Girl asked, "Ft. Hama? The Gravity Core?"  
  
"That's right. We were guarding it before it was being sent to a government lab in New Mexico. Cobra tried to steal it while I was on duty. I have to tell you, I wasn't that impressed. Duke told me they've been up to some pretty big shit in their time, but to be honest, the only time anyone out in the world hears from them is when the guy with the bag over his face takes control of the airwaves, interrupts my stories, and claims he has a ray that'll turn the U.S. oil reserves into rice pudding."  
  
The girls laughed.  
  
"Then lo and behold, the oil manages to stay oil. I realize that's because G.I. Joe manages to keep anything from happening, but the knowledge of everything they've ever tried to do going up in their faces, coupled with the sight of a few guys in blue pajamas screaming "COBRA!!!!" at the top of their lungs, doesn't really inspire a whole lot of fear. The fact that most of them didn't look like they could find their ass with both hands didn't help them." She smelled her food, and, making a face, decided she didn't want any.  
  
Scarlett said, "Roadblock's cooking today. This is as good as it gets. The mess is usually nowhere near this busy."  
  
"No, it smells good. It's just my stomach's still a little off."  
  
"Who was leading the assault?" asked Cover Girl.  
  
Cricket shrugged. "He was wearing grey camo. Had a mask on. Lemme tell you, he didn't want to stay down."  
  
"Firefly?"  
  
"I think that's what they said his name was. I dunno."  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"I made him stay down."  
  
Jaye and Scarlett looked at each other. Knowing Firefly was in the room with you was unusual. Beating him down was almost unheard of. Snake Eyes was looking forward to her training.  
  
Cricket sighed. "Didn't matter, though. I heard he blew his way out of the wagon less than an hour later. Important thing was that the Core stayed put." She toyed with her lunch some more. "Are there a lot of women on the base?"  
  
"You're looking at 'em," said Cover Girl.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah. It's not all bad; there are so few of us, we don't have to stay in the barracks. We have a couple of officers' apartments set aside. Scarlett and Jaye share one; you'll probably wind up with me."  
  
"So, um... what's Duke like?" she asked, trying to get a feel for her top sergeant. Jaye and Cover Girl immediately looked at Scarlett.  
  
Scarlett glared at them. "Stop it."  
  
Cricket asked, "Stop what?"  
  
Jaye, with a huge grin on her face, sang, "Scarlett likes Duke..."  
  
"I mean it. Cut it out."  
  
Jaye and Cover Girl started making kissing noises.  
  
Snake, not looking at Scarlett, signed, "Are we pretending it's a secret?"  
  
Scarlett went red as a tomato and fussed with her ponytail.  
  
Jaye caught Snake's tone and quickly changed the subject. Turning to Cricket, she said, "To answer your question, he's the best commander you'll ever have. He'll be your dad and your best friend rolled into one until you piss him off. Piss him off and you'll wish you were dead."  
  
Cover Girl added, "We're also hoping he has a thing for redheads." Scarlett put her head on the table and muttered wordlessly to herself.  
  
Cricket looked at Cover Girl, wondering how seriously she meant that. Her hair seemed more auburn than outright red.  
  
Snake Eyes had finished his soda. "I'm afraid that's all I have time for today," he signed. "I have a report I need to finish. Can I take anyone's tray up?"  
  
Scarlett surveyed the table. "I think we're still working on ours. Thanks, though."  
  
"No problem." Snake Eyes, grabbed his empty can and started towards the recycling bin. He got halfway there before Cricket jumped up from the table, ran up to him with her eyes ablaze with fear, and grabbed his pants and yanked.  
  
Scarlett had to run that through her mind one more time.  
  
Cricket just pantsed Snake Eyes.  
  
The mess was dead quiet. Cricket was frozen, looking up. She'd been on the base five hours and had already heard what this guy could do to him. Snake was equally still. He seemed to be processing the whole thing.  
  
This went on for an eternity.  
  
Then, suddenly, Snake Eyes dropped the can.  
  
"Run, kid!" bellowed Flash from the rear of the hall.  
  
Cricket gave a yelp and ran as fast as her feet would carry him. Snake Eyes started to chase her out of the mess with his pants still down around his ankles. He heard someone snicker, then glared in the direction it came from and silenced whoever it was. As quickly as he could, he pulled his pants back up and started off.  
  
Scarlett said, "Hell. I better get after him. Goddamned Shipwreck." She sprinted towards the exit as the mess, much braver now that Snake was gone, erupted in laughter.  
  
Lady Jaye said, "Wow. New kid's had a big day."  
  
Cover Girl remarked, "At least she got it out of the way quick."  
  
Shipwreck held up a sawbuck. "Okay, who had tighty-whities?"  
  
*****  
  
Scarlett caught up with Snake Eyes by the motor pool. "Snake! Stop! Snake Eyes!" she called. He didn't stop, but he did allow her to catch up.  
  
She ran in front of him and stopped, throwing her arms out. "Come on. What were you going to do?"  
  
He shrugged. He wasn't really sure himself.  
  
"She's the newbie. You know how it goes. Newbies have to have their little initiation. She does something stupid or embarrassing - or, in this case, extremely dangerous - and then she's one of the guys. You happened to be hit by the shrapnel this time. But what was she supposed to do? Refuse to do it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And then what? Do you remember when Ripcord wouldn't streak up and down the officers' quarters?"  
  
"Vaguely."  
  
"No one - yourself included - wanted anything to do with him until he broke down and did it. Do you remember why?"  
  
"I'm sure I don't."  
  
"Because it's the men's idiotic idea of not being a team player. And stop acting like you don't know what I'm talking about; I remember all too well what you made Blowtorch do when he got here."  
  
Snake Eyes chuckled silently. "Think that dress still fits him?"  
  
Scarlett shuddered at the memory. That back was far too hairy for that revealing a gown. "All I'm saying is lay off Cricket. Blame whoever put her up to it."  
  
"I have an idea."  
  
"I'm sure you do. But don't go nuts over this. You got nailed. Everyone here has gotten nailed at one point or another. Besides, you have beautiful thighs."  
  
He smiled under his mask. "Thanks. I work out."  
  
She added, "Please don't let this stop you from coming around when you're not on duty. We used to see a lot more of you. It's been nice seeing you around again."  
  
He shrugged. "It was Hawk's idea. He's worried I've been -" He stopped as he tried to think of the word. "Isolating myself too much."  
  
"Well, we've missed you, and it's nice to have you back, even if it did take a general to order you to be seen in public with us. You don't have to be 'on' all the time, you know. You think someone's going to attack you in the mess?"  
  
Snake Eyes cocked his head to one side. "Other than people trying to steal my pants?" he checked his watch. "I'd better go. I still have that report to finish up, then I have to start training the new kid."  
  
"Be nice," Scarlett warned. "She's a good kid."  
  
"I'm always nice." He started back towards his living quarters.  
  
Scarlett watched him leave. She knew what was really bothering him. "Snake Eyes?" she called. When he turned around, she said, "I'm sorry if what the girls were saying upset you."  
  
"About Duke?" he asked. He paused, then shrugged and signed "It's not my business."  
  
*****  
  
Within the hour, a new tape was circulating.  
  
*****  
  
Lady Jaye took it upon herself to give Cricket a real tour of the camp while she waited for hand to hand training to begin. Cricket relaxed; she was finally starting to not feel so lost as things gradually began to look familiar to her.  
  
"You're saying he tensed up? I didn't notice at all," said Cricket.  
  
"You will once you start to know him a little better. Snake Eyes and Scarlett... well, they kind of had this thing."  
  
"Which is over, I take it?"  
  
"Yeah. Snake's a very good man, and once he learns to trust you he'd happily step in front of a train for you, but he's not one for letting people in. As for the Duke thing, I can see the appeal, but it'll probably never go anywhere. He's her CO. Plain and simple."  
  
"Oh, I know what you mean. A friend of mine back at Hama got into a thing with the base commander. It did NOT end well. For either of them."  
  
"It never does. Duke's not oblivious; Shana's done everything but pull him under his desk. But he's not about to ruin both of their careers." She smiled. "Regardless of his own feelings."  
  
"Really?" Cricket asked.  
  
"I'm not oblivious, either."  
  
As they reached the motor pool, a lot of yelling and cheering could be heard. Jaye rolled her eyes. "Kiddo, this is the motor pool. This is where you want to go if you're in the mood for a lot of general stupidity. Hang on." They turned the corner and found a crowd of Joes in a circle, shouting and laughing. In the front was a man in a pilot's uniform, holding a big wad of cash.  
  
"Hey, Ace," called Jaye, "you want to tell me what's going on here?"  
  
Ace looked up. He smiled, holding the money out of sight. "Hi, Jaye. Um... nothing. We're just-" the circle opened up to show four Joes Cricket hadn't met yet straining to keep their mouths, which were obviously full, closed. Shipwreck was in front, holding a huge bag.  
  
"What's in the bag?" asked Jaye.  
  
"Oh, you know. They're these, um, glass bearings."  
  
She looked. "Marbles. You guys are stuffing marbles in your mouths?"  
  
"Look, it's just a friendly competition."  
  
"This is the most asinine thing I've seen since... well, since the last time I was down here." Jaye turned to Cricket and sarcastically remarked, "Welcome to G.I. Joe. Come on, let's keep moving."  
  
Shipwreck raised an eyebrow, and said loudly enough so that Jaye could hear, "Okay then, that puts Clutch ahead so far with twenty..."  
  
"What?" demanded Jaye, wheeling around. "Twenty? Please. Forget it. Here," she said, handing a twenty to Ace, "fill me up."  
  
*****  
  
Cricket walked with Jaye to the infirmary. Jaye had managed to get forty-three marbles in her mouth, but had lodged them in so well that they didn't want to come back out.  
  
Hearing someone enter, a pleasant-faced medic came out from his office. He looked at Jaye, said nothing, and turned his attention to the new arrival. "You'd be Cricket, right? I was just going over your file. I'm Doc."  
  
"Hi Doc. It's good to meet you. I'm just making the rounds with Jaye."  
  
"Overwhelmed yet?"  
  
"A little. It's starting to make some sense, though."  
  
"Well, when this place makes sense to you, do me a favor and explain it all to me. Now then. Jaye," he asked, without a hint of irony in his voice, "what seems to be the problem?"   
  
"Huh huh. Hery huuy."  
  
"I happen to think I'm incredibly funny. We've been down to the motor pool, I see. How many'd you get in there?" Jaye held up four fingers, then three. "Impressive. Did you win?"  
  
Jaye shook her head no.  
  
"Really? Who won?"  
  
Cricket started, "I think they said-"  
  
Doc put up his hand. "No, no. Listening to Jaye try to talk is amusing. Who won?"  
  
"Hor hew."  
  
"Short Fuze? What made you get into a stuffing-crap-into-your-mouth contest with Short Fuze?" He looked at Cricket. "The man can unhinge his jaw and fit his whole fist in there. Word of warning; never get into a stuffing-crap-into-your-mouth contest with Short Fuze."  
  
"I'll try to remember that."  
  
"Hey Doc," said Flint, walking into the infirmary, "what's up? Shipwreck told me you -"  
  
Jaye turned her head towards Flint. Blushing furiously, she meekly said, "Hi."  
  
Flint stopped short. Sensing that outright prolonged laughter would probably get him in a whole lot of trouble later, he immediately turned around and hurriedly went back the way he came.  
  
Doc grinned. "Shipwreck's been busy today."  
  
Doc went over to a cabinet and grabbed a small set of forceps. "People here are always pretty keyed-up," he told Cricket. "Goes with the territory. Part of what makes people fit for this kind of duty is having a lot of nervous energy. We can go weeks, even months without Cobra poking its head up and causing trouble. In that time, we have to find ways of blowing off steam." He started probing Jaye's mouth with the forceps. "The result of which is I get a lot of visits like this one. I'm just glad it's someone's mouth I'm poking around in this time. I guess - does that hurt? No? - I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry about what these people will do when it comes time to do their jobs based on some of the stuff I'm sure you've seen today. Everyone -"  
  
"OW! Ow ow ow ow ow!" cried Jaye.  
  
"Oh, stop it. If it didn't hurt a minute ago, it doesn't hurt now. Damn, you got these jammed in here really good. Anyway, everyone works hard. They also play just as hard."  
  
Doc made one final lunge into Jaye's mouth and wrenched a marble free. With that, the other forty-two came spilling out all over the infirmary floor.  
  
Doc smiled at Cricket warmly. "Welcome aboard." 


	2. Part Two

Newbie - Part 2  
  
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket, wandering around the base to see if she could begin to find her way around on her own, got to the gymnasium a few minutes early. She smiled inwardly; it had been a long and tiring day, but she finally felt like things were beginning to make sense.  
  
She gave the gym the once-over. It looked relatively new, despite the frequent paint chips and scuff marks. It was lousy with exercise and traingin equipment. At the far end was a locked cabinet which contained swords, throwing stars, and a few other things Cricket couldn't identify at first glance. There were also a lot of mirrors strewn about. She walked up to one and bent close to it, checking to see if she had anything in her teeth. She didn't. She glanced over to the doors to see if anyone was coming. When they weren't, she flexed her arms to see how they were coming along.  
  
Naturally, by the time Scarlett came into the room, dressed in sweats, Cricket had gone into full-blown Hans-and-Franz-posing-for-the-mirror mode. She watched for a few seconds, then cleared her throat. Cricket jumped at the noise. "Oh. Um, hi. I didn't hear you come in."  
  
"Sorry," said Scarlett, smiling. "Didn't mean to startle you." She put her bag against the wall. "I was asked to swing by and help out. The instructor's going to be a little late; he had something come up at the last minute he needed to take care of." She unlocked the cabinet at the far end of the room and pulled out her crossbow. "While we're waiting, can I see something?"  
  
"Sure. Is that yours?"  
  
"Yeah. Have you ever used one?"  
  
"Once or twice." She took it from Scarlett, who hooked a target onto the far wall. "I never really got used to them." She went over to her quiver and noticed that the crossbow used a slightly different type of arrow than she normally did.  
  
"Something wrong?" asked Scarlett.  
  
"No, this just uses different arrows than I'm used to. Mine are longer, and won't fit in the notch correctly."  
  
"No problem. Use these," Scarlett said, pulling some arrows out of the cabinet.  
  
Cricket looked them over. Most of them had standard arrowheads. Some were blunted, some had specialized tips, and some were just plain bizzare. She notched one of the more normal-looking ones into the weapon and waited for Scarlett to get out of the way.  
  
"Let me know when you're ready," said Scarlett.  
  
Cricket lined up the sights to her liking, and fired. It hit the target a little to the right of center. She twiddled with the sight some more, and reloaded. This time it hit where she wanted. She kept reloading and firing until she ran out of arrows. It turned out some of the odder-looking heads contained things like dye, a rope line, or a net. One had a magnesium flare, which Scarlett had apparently put in the pile by accident.  
  
Once they got their sight back, they looked at the target. Cricket had hit seventeen out of twenty dead center. She seemed irked by her performance.  
  
"Hey, first time using a weapon, 85 percent isn't too bad."  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"So what are your thoughts?"  
  
"Honestly? I'll learn it, but this isn't my first choice. It's heavier than my bow, takes a lot longer to load than I'd like, and I've never really been one for the Green-Arrow-Boxing-Glove type of trick arrows."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Sorry; I let my dork flag fly for a minute there."  
  
"So you don't use any non-lethal arrows?"  
  
"Fired correctly, any arrow can be non-lethal. Fired incorrectly," holding up the now-empty net arrow, "this could easily be lethal. Besides, in my experience, they take up a lot of room in a quiver and go off when they're not supposed to."  
  
Scarlett couldn't help but remember the time the stink-bomb had gone off in her apartment. Flint wouldn't go near Lady Jaye for a week and a half. "That's true."  
  
The door swung open behind them. Cricket tensed up considerably when she saw Snake Eyes enter the room, about as unarmed as he ever got. Almost instinctively, she looked for another exit, but Scarlett was standing in front of the other doors.  
  
Snake held up his hands and signed at Cricket. "He's apologizing for his lateness and says he's not angry at you," Scarlett said. "Incidentally, he's full of shit."  
  
Snake gave Scarlett some sign language that Cricket had no trouble deciphering.  
  
Scarlett added, "But he'll behave. Right?" Snake nodded, then turned his attention fully to Cricket. Hearing about her battle with Firefly some months earlier, he'd been looking forward to this. Lunchtime only added to his anticipation. He crouched some, and motioned for her to come at him.  
  
Cricket ran at him, giving Snake Eyes all kinds of warning as to which fist was going to try for him first, attempting to see how he would counter. He easily batted it away, and countered with an easily blocked left hook followed by an immediate sweep of his leg. She saw them both coming, and leaped backward, glancing his chin lightly with her right foot. This went on for a few minutes, until Snake Eyes backed up and signed at Cricket.  
  
"He wants you to stop holding out on him," said Scarlett, "because he's done holding out on you."  
  
The fight immediately went up about three notches. Cricket, it seemed to Scarlett, was a born street brawler. The same keen eye and quick refexes that had made her such an outstanding athlete was serving her well here. She'd taken her natural toughness and been trained to put a foe down quickly. But while she was very good, she simply wasn't in Snake Eyes' league. And despite what he had said, he was still not giving her everything he had.  
  
They were only able to connect glancing blows for a while. Cricket was getting tired, however, and although she managed ring Snake Eyes' bell with a fairly solid blow to the head, he quickly recovered and pinned her down, sitting on her chest with a foot just under her chin.  
  
He signed to Scarlett, who translated for him. "He's impressed, but you have a long way to go." He signed some more. "I'm not going to ask her that." More signing. "I mean it. That's between the two of you."  
  
He sighed, then went into a small pocket on his sleeve, pulling out a small notepad. He retrieved a pencil from the same pocket, and wrote something down. He showed her the notepad, which said only one word: SHIPWRECK?  
  
Cricket wanted to say that he should know better than to ask that. It was her first day on the G.I. Joe team, but it wasn't her first day in the army. She'd been around long enough to know that you didn't rat on someone in your unit under any circumstances. And furthermore, if Snake Eyes had any respect for her at all, he would know that, and leave it at that.  
  
However, with about two hundred pounds on her chest, all she actually managed to get out was "Urk."  
  
Snake looked at her long and hard. He knew that she wasn't going to say anything.  
  
Finally, he got off her chest and offered her a hand. He helped her get up, then pointed to the clock, indicating that the hour was up. He turned to leave, when Cricket, wheezing, asked, "Sir?"  
  
He wheeled around, putting three fingers on his upper right arm.  
  
"Sorry. Sergeant." She coughed a little, then drew herself up to her full height. "Are... are we all right now?"  
  
He stopped for a moment, seemingly thinking it over. Then he nodded. Finally, he turned around and left.  
  
All the tension that had been building inside of Cricket flowed away.  
  
*****  
  
With that, Cricket was done for the day. Scarlett advised her to head over to the motor pool to catch up with Cover Girl, who would be on duty for an hour or so longer, but who would probably be able to get her into her room. Naturally, the motor pool was clear on the other side of the base, and somehow there was no one willing to carry her.  
  
She trudged along, stopping briefly to rest by a flagpole. It almost didn't surprise her when she heard someone yell, "Hey, kid!" from somewhere above her.  
  
She looked skyward. There, at the very top of the pole, was Shipwreck, hoisted by his belt loops, wriggling and squirming for all he was worth. Putting as normal a tone into his voice as he could from sixty feet int he air, he said, "Say, um, I don;t think I ever caught your name."  
  
Squinting into the sun, she said, "I'm Cricket."  
  
"Cricket. Hi. I'm Shipwreck."  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
"Ah. So, listen, you wouldn't, by any chance, feel like getting me down from here or anything?"  
  
"How did you get up there?" she asked, despite a very strong suspicion.  
  
"Oh, you know how it is. You get someone, they get you. That sort of thing. Very innocent, really."  
  
"I see." She looked at the pole. Attached to it was a note, written on a yellow sticky, which read, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET THIS MAN DOWN. SNAKE.  
  
"You know, I would, but as it happens I have to be somewhere. Good luck up there, though."  
  
Defeated, he sighed, "Thanks. Um, if you see Snake, ask him if he's done being mad yet, will ya?"  
  
*****  
  
She entered the motor pool, which seemed empty except for a pair of boots sticking out from under a VAMP. She called out, "Hello? Anyone here?"  
  
The man attached to the boots slid out from under the vehicle. He needed a shave pretty desperately. With a think New Jersey accent, he said, "Hey, doll. Didn't I see you here earlier?"  
  
"Yeah. I was with Lady Jaye. I'm Cricket."  
  
"Cricket, huh? I'm Clutch." He was grinning at her like an idiot. "So, speaking of nocturnal animals who make a lot of noise in the dark," he said winking, "Is there something I can help you with?"  
  
Cricket groaned. This guy couldn't possibly be for real. "I'm looking for Cover Girl. Is she around?"  
  
"She just stepped away for a minute. You know, we could probably kill some time while we wait for her. There's this corner around the back -"  
  
"Uh, you know what? Thanks, but I think maybe I'll wait outside."  
  
"If you want, we could always -"  
  
*****  
  
Duke and Cover Girl walked across the base to the motor pool. "Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow?" Cover Girl was asking. It's getting late and I want to get the new crankshaft into the Wolverine before I knock off."  
  
"Sorry, but I need to collect my winnings from Saturday night. I couldn't do it before now; Hawk's been all over me like stink on fish this week, and he'd shit a brick if he knew for certain I was in the poker game that isn't supposed to take place on base."  
  
"I'm shocked - shocked! - to hear you've been gambling illegally, Top."  
  
"Knock it off. You're just upset that you were the first one to go bust. You know, I assumed you'd just bring the money with you when I called you into my office."  
  
"How was I supposed to know you wanted it tonight?"  
  
"I'm going into town tonight. I have some shopping I need to do before next week. It's all collected, right?"  
  
"Yep. Say. that wouldn't be for a certain sergeant's birthday next week, would it?"  
  
Duke rolled his eyes. "We've been friends for a long time. Stop reading too much into it."  
  
Cover Girl chuckled. "That's your story."  
  
"And I'm sticking to it."  
  
As they reached the motor pool, they heard Clutch yelp loudly.  
  
They rushed in, only to be greeted with the sight of Cricket pinning Clutch down, both arms stretched behind him, her knee in the small of his back.  
  
"Say it!" she yelled.  
  
Clutch grumbled something into the ground. Cricket lifted his arms back even further and yelled, "I said SAY IT! Who are you?"  
  
He groaned, then mumbled "I'm your bizmmumnuh."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Gah! I'm your bitch!"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I'm your bitch!"  
  
"Damn right you're my bitch!" She looked up to see Duke standing impassively, with Cover Girl smirking close behind him. She got up off Clutch, and looked down at the ground. "Um... hey, Duke."  
  
"Cricket." He turned to Cover Girl, and said, "Um... the thing?"  
  
Cover Girl said, "Right. The thing." She went around to her desk, got an envelope, and handed it to him.  
  
"Thanks," he told her. "Oh, and Cricket? Usually they just slap him."  
  
"Understood," said Cricket. She just about wanted to die.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket made her way to the officers' quarters. When she saw that the elevator was out, she remembered that the women were on the top floor. Typical. She had to argue her way past the MP, who insisted on seeing ID that was, naturally, waiting for her in her quarters. She managed to convince him to let her pass when he saw the look in her eyes of a person who had just had a miserable, grueling first day in a unit she had worshipped from afar for years and was perfectly willing to take his rifle, shove it up his ass as far as it was willing to go, and then another foot or so after that.  
  
She made it to the top of the stairs, and looked down the hall. There were four apartments, two on each side. The two largest had the names SGM HAUSER stencilled on a nameplate next to one, and WO1 FAIREBORN on the other. She knew Duke was Sgt. Hauser and idly wondered who Faireborn was.  
  
A little more than halfway down the hall was another MP, sitting on a folding chair. He looked up, saw Cricket coming, and stood. "Name?"  
  
"Cricket."  
  
"MacDougal?" the MP asked. "You have your ID?"  
  
"Yes I am, and no I don't. I was told that my ID was going to be on my desk in my quarters."  
  
"Yeah, they always do that. Look, I'll let you in, but if anyone asks, you had your ID with you. Okay?"  
  
"Sure. I just need to sleep for about a week. So, what do they have you here doing?"  
  
"I'm here to make sure no, um, fraternization happens, if you catch my meaning."  
  
"You're here to keep the boys out?"  
  
"Mostly. Although between you and me, Flint and Jaye spend a lot of time in each other's apartments."  
  
"Really? He's the WO with the beret, right?" That explained Jaye's reaction to Flint seeing her in the infirmary.  
  
"Yeah. You know how it is; it's a huge secret that the whole base knows about and pretends not to as long as it doesn't hurt anyone." He started to look uncomfortable. "Look, I probably shouldn't gossip like this. This is the easiest detail on the whole base, and the last thing I want to do is wreck it."  
  
"I understand. We'll talk later." She smiled at him and continued down the hall.  
  
She came to the smaller apartments. On the left were stencilled SGT O'HARA and CPL HART-BURNETT, while on the right had SPC KRIEGER stencilled in the top slot, with CPL McDOUGAL written on black marker on a strip of masking tape underneath it. At least they'd spelled her name right.  
  
Cover Girl had found Cricket on her way out of the gym and given her the key. Opening the door, she made her way to the couch in the open room and flopped down on it with all of her might, dropping her bow.  
  
At last, she thought. At long, long last. She was about to close her eyes when there was a knock at the door.  
  
Of course, she thought to herself. "Hold on!" she called out, struggling to lift herself from the couch, which at that moment was screaming at her to lie back down.  
  
She fumbled her way across the room and opened the door. Cover Girl was smiling at her from the other side. "Hey, kid. So, how was your first day."  
  
"Sleepy," Cricket answered, not minding that it didn't fit the question. "Very very sleepy."  
  
Cover Girl looked at her watch. "It's only six. How tired could you be?"  
  
"Very. Very very very." She yawned, which hurt. "And sore. Also very sore."  
  
"I thought of that. You didn't see the note I left you?"  
  
"Where'd you leave it?"  
  
"In your room."  
  
"I never made it that far. I got as far as the couch."  
  
"Well, go back to the couch. Try to sit up, though; it's not very good for sleeping on." Cover Girl went into one of the bedrooms and brought a huge pan out, which she carried into the bathroom. Cricket could hear the water running for a while. Cover Girl came back out, with the pan now full of hot water, and set it down in front of the couch.  
  
"I figured what with you being chased around by Beach, then being chased by Snake Eyes, and then getting what I assume to be a pretty thourough beat down in your hand-to-hand today, you could use something like this." She held up some packets filled with epsom salts.  
  
"Oh, my God, bless you." Cricket tried to move but couldn't. "Could you...?"  
  
"Sure." Cover Girl got Cricket's feet and pulled off her boots. "So, discouraged yet?"  
  
Cricket smiled. "No, not yet. This is more or less what I expected." Cover Girl had pulled off her socks and rolled up her pants; Cricket lowered her feet into the pan. That was soooooo much better. "So, look, if I told you I loved you right now, would that be a problem?"  
  
"We have to save something for day two, kid." She got up and went to the minifridge. She asked, "Are you hungry yet?"  
  
Cricket's stomach suddenly awakened. "Yes, very, actually," she answered. "I just realized I haven't eaten since about lunchtime yesterday."  
  
Cover Girl poked around the fridge for a minute, then found some fruit. "Heads up," she said, lobbing an apple towards Cricket.  
  
The apple floated across the room, hitting Cricket square in the chest. She waited a few seconds for the information to process, then said, "Ow." She really was tired. Picking up the apple, she bit into it, finding it to be just about the most delicious thing she'd ever eaten. "Thanks, Cover Girl."  
  
"We're off duty. In here, it's Courtney. And it's no problem; I wish I had more. Roadblock's usually good to set some fresh fruit aside when he cooks, but there wasn't much left over today. If you wanted to head down to the mess, you might still be able to grab something, but I assume you're more interested in resting up for tomorrow right now."  
  
"Oh, right. Tomorrow. I get to do all this again."  
  
"You'll get used to it."  
  
"So what is it you do here, exactly?"  
  
"I drive the Wolverine. You can usually find me in the motor pool. I heard you got to experience that foolishness a couple of times first hand today."  
  
Cricket smiled. "I hear I caught it on a good day. Sorry you missed it."  
  
"Not half as sorry as I am. I could have come in second place, easy." She shrugged her jacket off her shoulders and slumped down next to Cricket. "Say, Cricket... first of all, is there anything else I can call you?"  
  
"Mae. Please."  
  
"Mae. First of all, Clutch is harmless. Obnoxious as hell, but harmless."  
  
"I got that," she said, smiling.  
  
"Also, Scarlett was going to stop by tonight to hang out and to give Jaye some, er, privacy. But if you want, we can find someplace else to -"  
  
"No, that's fine. I need to unwind some before I get some rest." She lifted her feet out of the tub and looked at her left small toe. A hellishly impressive blister was beginning to form there. "Are there any Band-Aids around here?"  
  
"There's some in the medicine cabinet," Courtney replied.  
  
*****  
  
Mae stepped out of the shower feeling a thousand percent better. Most of her muscle aches had left her, and she had woken up a bit. Drying off, she noticed that there was a robe hung up on the hook on the bathroom door. She opened the medicine cabinet, getting the bandages. As she donned the robe, she heard two women talking out in the common area.  
  
"- remember my first day," she could hear Courtney saying. "She'll be fine by tomorrow morning, but she's pretty miserable now. Snake Eyes wasn't too rough on her, was he?"  
  
"Well, he was pretty pissed when I talked to him, but if he still felt that way he didn't let it affect him. Well, not too much, anyway. He did try to get her to tell him who put her up to the joke, though."  
  
"She didn't, did she?"  
  
"Of course not. I mean, he was standing on her neck at the time. But I don't think she would have even if she could talk."  
  
"Did he ever find out who it was?"  
  
"I imagine he's figured it out by now," Scarlett said. "I mean, everyone knows. Duke said he'd stay out of it long enough for Snake to do whatever he needed to do. I mean, Shipwreck has it coming to him. But he can only hold Hawk back for so long; he hates this whole ritual."  
  
"But Snake's calmed down by now, right?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. He didn't say anything to her, but he was impressed. He thinks he can teach her a lot."  
  
"But he won't actually tell her?"  
  
"Oh, you know how he is."  
  
"Yeah, I guess I do."  
  
Mae smiled.  
  
"Oh, listen, I was talking to Flint today," Courtney said. "He mentioned that party Roadblock and Rock 'n' Roll are thowing down in the mess next week."  
  
"Oh, yeah? What for?"  
  
"I guess Roadblock got a lead on some really good steaks being sent across the country and managed to wrangle some. Anyway, he was talking to Duke about it..."  
  
"Courtney..."  
  
"Duke asked if you were going."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He was talking to Breaker. He was there when Duke asked Roadblock."  
  
"What is this, study hall? You heard from Flint who heard from Breaker that Duke said to Roadblock he was asking about me?"  
  
"I'm just passing along information."  
  
Mae decided it was time to rescue Scarlett from the conversation. Opening the door, she walked towards her room. "Oh!" she said, feigning surprise, "I didn't realize you were here."  
  
Scarlett smiled at her in greeting. Dressed much more casually in jeans and a Braves T-shirt, she looked very different.  
  
"Hey, you," Scarlett said. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Much better. Lemme just throw something on and I'll be right out." She went into her room to find her belongings piled on her bed. Apparently her things had been sent up ahead of her. She'd have to straighten it up in the morning; she just couldn't find the energy to do it now.  
  
She pulled everything off the bed, and grabbed some clean sweats out of the duffel. She pulled them on about four seconds before she fell asleep on the bed.  
  
She awoke two hours later to raucous laughter. 


	3. Part Three

Mae fumbled her way across the room, taking special care to stub her toe on everything between the bed and the door, with the exception of anything sharp and upturned, which she promptly stepped on, instead. With that ritual out of the way, she opened the door and squinted against the light.  
  
"Oh, hey, kiddo," someone said. "Sorry, did we wake you?"  
  
Mae's eyes slowly adjusted to the light. Courtney was sitting on one end of the couch, with Scarlett on the other end. Mae was mildly surpised to see Lady Jaye sitting in another chair. She looked at a clock; it was only 8:40.  
  
"Don't worry about it," she said. "Last thing I need is to wake up at 0300 and then not be able to make it to the end of the day." She shuffled over to the pantry and pulled out a large glass, which she filled with water. That done, she came into the common area. "Jaye, Scarlett. Mind if I join you?"  
  
"Not at all," said Scarlett. "It's Shana and Allie, by the way."  
  
"Thanks." She pulled the chair out from under the computer desk and sat. "You guys sound like you're having fun. What's going on?"  
  
"Well, in the interest of making sure our blood sugar levels stay within acceptable limits, we have put away the better part of a bag of Cheez Doodles -"  
  
"We Joe girls are true gourmands, you see," interrupted Courtney.  
  
"- and an awful lot of YoJoe Cola, which, I feel I must warn you, tastes a helluva lot like carbonated ass. It is, however, free. We're also attempting to get some information about some of Allie's adventures in the motor pool today," said Shana.  
  
"Oh, my GOD," groaned Allie, putting her head in a pillow. "PLEASE let it go."  
  
Mae laughed. It suddenly became clear where her nickname had come from; her laugh was very loud, very high pitched, and came in short, staccato bursts.  
  
"How many did you get in there, again?" Shana asked.  
  
Allie just rolled her eyes and stared at the ceiling.  
  
"What do you think, was she showing off for the new kid?" Courtney asked Shana.  
  
"I don't know. I shall now endeavor to find out. Cricket -" Shana started.  
  
"Mae, please."  
  
"Mae - are you the most easily impressed person on the entire planet?"  
  
"I'd like to think not."  
  
"Then I think we have to assume that Allie wasn't actively trying to impress you."  
  
"You know, Krieger, you're hardly one to make fun of embarrassing trips to the infirmary."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Courtney asked.  
  
"I'm talking about a certain flashlight."  
  
Courtney went pale. "I - I told you - I fell on it."  
  
Allie grinned. "Doc didn't believe you, either."  
  
The women were quiet for a minute. Then, Courtney said to Mae, "I think we now know why Flint sticks around."  
  
"You know what?" said Allie, laughing. "Fuck all of you. I'm going to start my own top secret anti-terrorist strike force. It's gonna have candy and presents, and none of you are invited."  
  
Courtney smirked. "That'll learn us."  
  
Turning to Allie, Mae said, "Speaking of Flint, I thought you were busy tonight."  
  
"So did I," Allie replied. "Hawk called him away."  
  
"Which means something's going down, I assume."  
  
"Safe assumption," said Courtney. "We usually wind up seeing action one or two days after Hawk calls the boys to a meeting. Looks like we didn't drag you over here for nothing." She pointed a plastic bag in Mae's direction. "Something in a Cheez Doodle?"  
  
"Thank you. I was told I needed to up my cheese dust consumption." She took a fistful of vaguely-cheese-flavored puffs from the bag and munched on them thoughtfully. "Any of you guys know if Shipwreck's gotten down yet?"  
  
"Down from where?" asked Allie.  
  
"You didn't see him? Snake Eyes hoisted him up a flagpole by his trousers."  
  
"He did?" Allie asked. "Which one?"  
  
"The really tall one out in front of the motor pool. I assumed you'd seen."  
  
The older women all bolted into Courtney's bedroom; Mae followed close behind. Her window, it turned out, overlooked the yard that housed the pole in question. Sure enough, there was Shipwreck, by now hanging onto the pole and attempting to get out of his trousers.  
  
"Now those are some well-made pants. He's been up there for at least four hours now," said Mae.  
  
They watched him for a while. Shipwreck was trying to climb out of his trousers without plummeting to his doom. To make things interesting, a small green parrot had begun to circle his head, by turns berating, taunting, and offering advice the sailor didn't seem to want or need.  
  
Mae let her attention wander from Shipwreck's plight momentarily and cast her eyes around Courtney's room. She noticed that there weren't any pictures. There were, however, a number of automotive magazines on the nightstand and computer desk. There was also a fairly old Cosmo behind the monitor, and an acoustic guitar in the far corner. She looked at the Cosmo, trying to place the woman on the cover. Then it hit her. The long blonde hair was now short and auburn, but otherwise -  
  
"Holy shit!" Mae exclaimed. "You're THAT Courtney Krieger?"  
  
Courtney turned around. "That was a long time ago." She took the magazine from Mae and regarded it sadly. "I didn't realize this was still in here." She put it back on the desk and smiled. "What can I say? There had to be more to life than getting my picture taken."  
  
Mae looked at her. "Are you all right?"  
  
"Oh, sure. I'm fine. It's just... a lot of wasted time. You know?"  
  
"Don't let my brother hear you say that." She smiled. Jack was going to freak when she told him.  
  
"Jesus," said Courtney, her attention back to the window. "Snake Eyes don't play." They watched for a while, until Shipwreck finally managed to swing himself over and around the pole, freeing him from his pants, allowing him to shimmy his way down. At that point, Shana opened the window and began to applaud. Quite a few other windows followed suit; presumably Ship had provided entertainment to much of the unit that evening. When he reached the bottom of the pole, he looked up, saw his audience, and, without a trace of embarrassment, tipped his hat and gave a bow before running to the men's barracks.  
  
"What a ham." Shana closed the window again. "Looks like this show's over. Well, hopefully everyone's going to be able to keep their pants on for a while."  
  
*****  
  
After another couple of hours, Allie and Shana went back to their apartment. Mae was beginning to feel fatigue envelop her once again. Seeing her yawn, Courtney asked, "What time do they have you starting tomorrow?"  
  
"Duty roster said 0700. PT for an hour, then the communications desk for the rest of the day. I guess they have your comm guy doubling as the computer dork, which is technically my area."  
  
"You'll be with Breaker all day, then. You'll like him. Drive you up the wall with the constant gum chewing, but he's really a good guy." She started to clean up, shoving empty soda cans into a plastic bag. "All right, so I was talking to Duke this afternoon." She turned to Mae. "Shana and Duke are kinda tiptoeing around each other."  
  
Mae said, "Yeah, Allie was telling me earlier. I kinda caught her side of it at lunch, too."  
  
"I don't know if he doesn't realize it or if he just isn't admitting it to himself, but he's pretty hung up on her, too. There's a poker game every Saturday night a couple floors below us in Ace's apartment; he cleaned everyone out the other night."  
  
"Was that what you guys were talking about when you showed up at the motor pool?"  
  
"Yeah. Technically gambling isn't allowed on the base, so we have to be kinda discreet about it, and not rub Hawk's nose in it. Duke made sure I got all of what was owed to him collected so he could take it into town tomorrow. Seems he's birthday shopping."  
  
"I take it that Shana's birthday is coming up, then?"  
  
"You take it correctly."  
  
"How much was it?" Mae asked.  
  
"A little over four hundred."  
  
Mae let out a whistle.   
  
Courtney slumped on the couch and emptied a bagful of cheese dust into her mouth. "I honestly don't know whether to pull for this thing to happen or not. I love her like she was my sister, and Duke's always been a great friend, and I want both of them to be happy, and I think they could do that for each other. But I don't want to see either of them end up before a court martial over it, either. It's not like Dash finally pulling the stick from his ass and getting together with Allie - which is another thing that we try not to throw in Hawk's face, by the way - Duke's in a much more precarious position." She was obviously pained for her friend.  
  
"You look exhausted, Courtney. Maybe you need to find another hobby that doesn't involve Shana."  
  
"Yeah, but who has that kind of time?" asked Courtney, smiling. "Besides, I'm all out of Cheez Doodles and Doc threw away my flashlight."  
  
*****  
  
"Jesus jumping Christ." Beach Head watched as Cricket jogged to the obstacle course the following morning, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck begin to stand on end. She still had that damned bow with her.  
  
"Hey!" he bellowed at her as she approached. "You leave your shit over by the gate! The next piece of equipment of mine you wreck comes outta your ass! You hear me?"  
  
Cricket mumbled to herself as she dropped her gear.  
  
"What was that, Corporal?"  
  
"Nothing, Sergeant."  
  
"Really? Are you sure? Because it sounded a lot like you were telling me how much you were looking forward to giving me fifty sit-ups. Did I hear you right?"  
  
"... yes, Sergeant."  
  
"Well, then, today's your lucky day. I'm feeling REAL generous. I'm gonna let you do a hundred. Now!" Cricket dropped and began her exercises. "And don't take too long; I don't want you falling behind!"  
  
As she performed her sit-ups, Cricket could see about a dozen other Joes being put through the ringer. She wondered how often Beach Head changed the course around; a lot of this stuff, such as the rope ladder and zip-line, hadn't been there yesterday. And Lord knows she had gotten a pretty good look at the place.  
  
She finished her sit-ups just in time to catch up to the last Joe about to head into the obstacle course. He turned and said, "Back for more, eh?"  
  
She looked up at him. He might have been the largest human being she'd ever seen. "You kidding me?" she replied, panting. "Couldn't keep me away. After all, I haven't thrown up in almost eighteen hours."  
  
"Am I gonna have to carry you?" Beach Head materialized out of nowhere, hellbent on quashing any semblance of joy, happiness or self-regard that might have crossed Cricket's path, and possibly to erase some that had ever come before. She was sure of it. "Or are the two of you gonna get your asses in gear? Christ almighty, Roadblock, what are you, new here? Go!" Roadblock turned, gave Cricket a smile, and flung himself from the dirt floor, grabbing a zip-line and taking off.  
  
Cricket began to wonder idly what it would take to make the ski-masked ranger cry.  
  
"Hey, wake up!" Cricket, who had gotten up to "forced to eat angry bees", was so wrapped up in this cheerful exercise that she didn't notice that the zip-line had returned. "Get your head out of your ass, Princess! I swear to God, the old man's going soft."  
  
Cricket leapt and grabbed the zip-line, riding it to a series of suspended rings. She grabbed the first one, using her momentum to swing forward.  
  
"If this is the best he can find, I might as well just call Cobra Commander and tell him we're going home. We'll leave the keys to the White House under the mat for him so he can pick 'em up on the way."  
  
The high beam made a return appearance, although the lasers were now noticably absent. Cricket darted across, leaping onto a thin rope ladder that twisted around sharply as soon as her weight was put on it.  
  
"'Cause that's pretty much what Hawk's doin' now."  
  
Cricket lost her grip, but hooked her feet into the rungs, swinging herself around and hoisting herself to the top. When she got there, she found a bridge made out of tires thirty yards long and eight feel off the ground. Obviously, the trick was to run across without tripping or breaking your foot. She noticed that Roadblock was about halfway across.  
  
"Of course, maybe next time he'll do better. A slot should be opening up real soon, seeing as how I'm going to grow old and die while I'm waiting for you to FINISH THIS FUCKING COURSE!!!"  
  
Cricket stepped nimbly from one tire to the other, catching up to Roadblock. There wasn't enough room to get around him, so she crouched down, climbed under the tires, and swung across the remainder of the bridge with her hands underneath.  
  
Roadblock saw her. "So that's how you play. We racing today?"  
  
Cricket laughed. "I'm just trying to escape the smell of gym socks and pee."  
  
The smell of gym socks and pee, as well as the rest of Beach Head, was waiting for Cricket and Roadblock at the end of the course. Behind him were a line of Joes who had made it through. Cricket hoisted herself up onto the platform at the end of the tire-bridge, seeing that a metallic pipe was laid at a forty-five degree angle from the platform to the ground. That ground was covered with barbed wire from the base of the platform to the point where the pipe met the ground.  
  
She wrapped her legs around the pipe and shimmied down. Unfortunately, about one-third of the way down, the pipe was greased with WD-40. Cricket's feet slid off immediately, and it took all of her concentration not to let go with her hands when all of her weight was suddenly put on them.  
  
Roadblock was waiting at the top of the platform. Not knowing about the oil on the pipe, he said, "C'mon, kid, slide down the pipe! Don't give Beach no cause to gripe!"  
  
Cricket kicked her legs back and forth, causing her body to swing. When she had enough momentum, she let go and landed inches in front of the barbed wire. However, she was a little unsteady, and was about to fall backwards when Beach Head grabbed her belt and pulled her forward.  
  
"Fall in with the others," Beach Head growled. She did. Beach Head looked at his watch theatrically. "Well, ladies, for a minute there that almost bordered on not as disgraceful as usual. However, I want to thank our new friend here for allowing us to maintain the status quo. We now have a combined score of 'totally pathetic.' Therefore," he said, wandering into the field of wire, grabbing Roadblock by the belt as he fell from the pipe and offhandedly tossing him to safety before he made contact with the razor-sharp wire, "I want you all to take special care to thank Princess while you all run through my course again after dropping and giving me fifty. NOW."  
  
The Joes hit the dirt and began their push-ups. Beach Head watched them for a while, slowly walking up the line. When he got to Cricket, he leaned in and said, "You be sure to let me know if you ever get away from that smell, now." Then he stepped back, and announced, "Sorry, ladies. I wasn't paying attention. Start over."  
  
Cricket, who had been on push-up number forty-three, wondered how many paper cuts it would take to send Beach Head to the infirmary.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket entered the control room. She noticed that Hawk, Duke and Flint were discussing something in low voices at a large table in the center of the room. Various Joes were scattered throughout the room, doing God-knows-what with machinery she'd never laid eyes on before. At the front of the room was a giant screen, with dozens of smaller screens around its perimeter. Seated in front of this setup was a young man, not much older than she was. Her suspicions were confirmed as soon as a bubble popped and left flecks of gum in his three-day-old beard.  
  
"Breaker?" she asked.  
  
Breaker turned around in his chair. "Hey, you. Cricket, yeah?" He had hints of a Southern accent. He blew another bubble.  
  
"That's right. I guess you're showing me what I need to know."  
  
"I'll do my best. Between you and me, I don't know what I can show you." Bubble. "My thing is communications, but for whatever reason they threw me on the computers too. I've been able to fake my way through most of it." Bubble. "But every now and then the Eiffel Tower gets beamed to London and you're hearing about it for a week."  
  
"Would it save time if I just gave up and went home now?"  
  
"Probably." Bubble. "Well, this is the main terminal. It hooks up to pretty much everything in the base. Naturally, it breaks down about once a month or so..."  
  
*****  
  
A couple of hours later, Breaker was walking Cricket through a transmission that came through every day at about the same time.  
  
"Okay, see the guy on the left? That's Ranulf. We hate him."  
  
"We do?" asked Cricket.  
  
"Yeah. He's the one who's funneling the money into Neil's venture capitalist firm, while at the same time he's hooking up with Blair behind Mitzi's back."  
  
"OK, lemme see if I have this. Blair is Kip's daughter who switched her baby for Monica's while Monica was in the coma. Monica thought her baby was Paul's, but it's really Neil's by way of Brittany and was implanted without her knowledge. Is that right?"  
  
"Yep. Only, we found out that the hospital records were switched by Ferdinand while he was disguised as his twin brother Maximllian during his tenure as Chief of Cardiac Medicine."  
  
"And meanwhile, Neil's firm is in the process of buying the corporation that owns the hospital. Do we know what he's planning on doing with it yet?"  
  
"Not really. Not yet. But we can assume it has something to do with Ranulf and -"  
  
"What the hell is going on over here?" Hawk roared.  
  
Breaker and Cricket wheeled around to find Hawk staring down at them, with Duke and Flint standing close behind him.  
  
Breaker said, "Well, General, sir, we were, um, monitoring transmissions along -"  
  
"You were watching your stories."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Get back to work. Cricket?"  
  
"Yes, sir?"  
  
"Two things. One, you're still new. Breaker has literally been with us since Day One. The leeway I allow him does not automatically transfer down to you. Is that understood?"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
Two. I need you to tell me everything you can about the Gravity Core."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
He motioned for her to follow him as they walked back to the table. They had since been joined by someone else Cricket didn't recognize.  
  
"Cricket, you've had some experience with the Core before it went to Los Alamos. Can you tell us anything you know?" asked Duke.  
  
"Not very much. We were just babysitting it before it was sent to the National Laboratory. I can't even pretend to understand exactly how it worked. Is - is something wrong?"  
  
Flint sighed. "Cobra was able to get their hands on it after all."  
  
"We're not 100% sure what happened yet. It looks like they had agents in the lab," said Duke. "They're not being very forthcoming with information. If there's anything you can tell us, now matter how unimportant it sounds, it'll help."  
  
"Well, as far as I know, it functioned sort of like a battery. They thought it was some kind of power source. It's about this big -" she held her hands about three feet apart "- but it always took about four men to lift it. We always tried to stand as far away from it as possible when we were on duty; if you got close to it your arms felt like they weighed about a hundred pounds. We were basically advised to have as little to do with it as possible."  
  
Duke looked thoughtful. "Stalker," he said, "what are your thoughts?"  
  
The man Cricket hadn't recognized answered. "Our lives would be a hell of a lot easier if Cobra gave this back in exchange for a nuclear weapon. At least then we'd know what we were dealing with. God alone knows what Destro's gonna plug it into."  
  
"Most of the time," Cricket said, "it seemed to give off energy. Every now and then, though, it would hum a little differently, and everything around it would get less powerful. Lights dimming, laser rifles not working, that sort of thing."  
  
"Really?" asked Duke. "Can you think of anything else?"  
  
Cricket racked her brain. "No. Like I said, we weren't told much of anything. I only know what I saw."  
  
Hawk said. "Thank you, Corporal. Dismissed."  
  
*****  
  
Cricket found Scarlett as she walked towards the mess. "Did you hear?"  
  
Scarlett replied, "Only what Duke's been able to tell me, which isn't much. This is the most frustrating part. We have no idea where Cobra's holed up, so until they poke their heads up, or we somehow manage to run across something, we just wait." She grimaced; her jaw clenched. It was strange; Scarlett seemed light years away from the Shana who'd scarfed half a bag of Cheez Doodles the night before.  
  
"This is your 'game face', then?" Cricket asked.  
  
Scarlett grinned. "It becomes second nature."  
  
Cricket looked up; there were birds in the distance. Something was happening. She hoped she was up to it.  
  
"Are you hungry?" Scarlett asked. "We may not get a chance to eat later."  
  
"A little bit. I didn't have much earlier. Why don't we - hang on." She looked again. Her eyes were excellent. Those weren't birds.  
  
"Shana? I think it's showtime."  
  
"ATTENTION! ATTENTION ALL TROOPS!" Breaker's voice came over the loudspeakers. "WE HAVE COMPANY! RATTLERS INCOMING!" 


	4. Part Four

Newbie - Part 4  
  
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. I don't own Star Blazers either, for that matter. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.  
  
I want to thank everyone for their feedback. It really helps.  
  
*****  
  
The siren wailed insistently as tightly organized chaos exploded around Cricket. Joes were running in every which direction. Scarlett had taken off for the hangars; unsure of what else to do, Cricket began to follow her.  
  
"Can you fly a Skystriker?" Scarlett called over he shoulder. Cricket had to admit that she couldn't. "Then go find Duke or Flint in the motor pool! You'll be more use down here!"  
  
Running full speed across the base, Cricket watched the sky. Skystrikers had already begun to engage the Rattlers. As the fourth Rattler was shot down, she began to wonder if there was any way she could invest in the company Cobra bought their parachutes from. They certainly seemed to do a lot of business.  
  
She reached the outer perimeter of the motor pool, dodging oncoming VAMPs and RAMs as she went. In the center of a small crowd of Joes, which she ran to join, was Duke.  
  
At the absolute worst possible moment, the theme from "Star Blazers" popped into Cricket's brain and wouldn't leave.  
  
"We've already scrambled the Skystrikers. Wild Bill, I want you to lead the Dragonflys and give them some support. We've got coverage on the north and the west side; that's where they seem to be coming in from...  
  
- We're off to outer space, we're leaving Mother Earth...  
  
"... but I want Beach Head and Stalker to take some people and give some coverage to the south and east sides as well..."  
  
- To save the human race...  
  
"Jaye, I want people on the roofs. The Rattlers are here, but the FANGs can't be too far behind, and we can disable..."  
  
- Our Star Blazers!  
  
"... some of them where they're most likely to land."  
  
- Fighting with the Gamalons, we won't stop until we've won, then we'll return and when we arrive, the Earth will survive with our Star Blazers!  
  
Cricket suddenly realized that Duke had stopped talking and that everyone was looking at her.  
  
Oh, my God, she thought to herself. "Is there any chance I Wasn't doing that out loud?" Silence. "Um... it was on this morning," she said weakly. "You know how it is... the song gets... kinda... in your... head..." She trailed off and looked at her boots.  
  
Duke, unsure whether to smile or be annoyed, settled for taking a deep breath and said, "You all know what to do. Go do it. Cricket and Jaye, hang on." The crowd shouted "Yo Joe!" and dispersed. Cover Girl, who had been standing behind Duke, climbed into the Wolverine, gave Cricket a reassuring smile, and zoomed off.  
  
Duke looked down at Cricket. "Jaye, give us a minute," he said without breaking his gaze. Jaye gave orders to the others while she waited. "Well, kid, this is it," said Duke. "You nervous?"  
  
"Yes," Cricket said simply.  
  
"Are you ready?"  
  
"I guess we're gonna find out in a minute."  
  
"It couldn't be simpler. See someone in a blue jumpsuit, take him down. Easy as that."  
  
Cricket nodded.  
  
"You're going with Jaye. If you need something and can't find her, look for me." The fighting was getting closer. "I'll be along the west wall. Just do what I know you can do and you'll be fine."  
  
She smiled. "Thanks."  
  
Returning the smile, he replied, "Don't thank me. Just do your job. Jaye? Take her and get moving." He bolted out the door, grabbing a rifle as he went.  
  
"C'mon, kiddo. Let's roll." Jaye led Cricket out. "I'm going to the men's barracks. I want you to take the officers' building. Alpine is already up there. Give him a hand."  
  
"Will do."  
  
"Oh, and if he threatens to yodel, try to discourage him."  
  
*****  
  
Cricket burst through the door leading to the roof of the officers' quarters. She already had an arrow notched in the bow she held in her left hand. She drew the string back with her right, slowly circling around. Alpine, whom she'd met briefly at Shipwreck's lunch table the day before, was firing at a FANG hovering two hundred yards away. Before she could give him any help, he took out the rear rotor, sending the copter into a tailspin that sent it careening into the side of the building that housed most of the offices.  
  
"Alpine!" she called. He wheeled around, lowering his gun when he was able to identify her. "Careful, kid," he said. "Hate to get you perforated on your first day."  
  
"Technically, it's my second."  
  
"Sure, but nothing interesting ever happens on your first day. Look at all the trouble we've gone to to make your second day memorable. I-"  
  
"DOWN!" Alpine barely had time to drop before the shaft left Cricket's bow. It sailed into the main rotor of the FANG which had risen silently behind Alpine, sending it immediately to earth, twelve stories below.  
  
Alpine bent over the side of the building, watching it fall. He whistled. "That was pretty."  
  
"You all right?" she asked him.  
  
"Fine. Hold on; behind you." She turned around and saw that there was another FANG creeping behind Jaye, who was hurling javelins at a low-flying Rattler. She sent another arrow into the tail rotor, causing the gyrocopter to swing wildly out of control. The pilot bailed out, landing on the officers' roof about twenty feet from Cricket, his back turned to her.  
  
She ran towards him, the gravel crunching under her feet. The Cobra spun around just in time to get kicked in the head, putting him out instantly.  
  
Cricket looked up to watch the Rattler crash into the ground below, Lady Jaye getting another javelin ready for the next one.  
  
Alpine sent a CLAW screaming downward. Cricket looked at the ground, which was bloated with deployed parachutes. Things seemed to be going well.  
  
A Viper Glider landed on the roof. The officer was holding his rifle with one hand, emptying the clip in Cricket's direction. She was naturally concerned, until she realized that he didn't seem to have the aim to be able to shoot into the ocean properly. She shot him in his gun hand, causing him to drop it. He grabbed his hand and didn't seem to notice Alpine run up to him until it was too late.  
  
Chaotic as it was, Cricket actually felt like she was getting the hang of it all. Another pair of Viper Gliders landed on Jaye's roof; she was able to send two arrows their way before Jaye even realized they were there.  
  
As Alpine was shooting at a Rattler which hovered over them, he said to Cricket, "You can say it, you know."  
  
"Say what?"  
  
"C'mon. You know you want to."  
  
She got a goofy half-grin on her face when she realized what he meant. "You think so?"  
  
"Hey, no time like now."  
  
She sent another pair of arrows towards the Rattler, one toward each wing. They lodged into an engine on either side, wrecking the props and sending the plane hurtling downward. As she watched it fall, scraping the side of the reinforced building, Cricket roared a "YO JOE!"  
  
Then she turned to Alpine and said, "There's absolutely no way that should have worked, you know."  
  
*****  
  
The battle went on for what seemed like hours. Nothing seemed to change; for every plane or copter that got shot down, another one quickly took its place. By this point, Cobra ground troops had entered the base as well, although the Joes weren't having any serious problems. Off in the distance, she saw a Cobra transport plane touch down.  
  
"Alpine!" she called. "Let me see your wrist phone!"  
  
"Where's yours?"  
  
"I haven't been given one yet. Just lemme see it!" She took his phone and strapped it to her wrist. "Cricket to Jaye. A big-ass transport plane just touched down outside the base. Have you seen it? Over."  
  
The phone crackled. "Jaye to Cricket. Are you sure? I don't see anything. Over."  
  
"I'm sure. It's about a half mile out on the east side."  
  
"Cricket, this is Duke. I see it. Stalker, send your group over there and give Gung Ho some help. Looks like the second wave's coming in."  
  
Stalker's voice came through. "I'm already there. People up on the roofs, turn your cover fire this way."  
  
Jaye used one of her javelins to pole vault her way onto the officers' roof. She looked over the ledge to survey the wreckage. "What I wanna know is, who's supposed to be cleaning this up?"  
  
Cricket checked her quiver; she was fast running out of arrows. "Jaye, I need to refill my quiver."  
  
"How fast can you do it?" Jaye asked.  
  
"Two minutes, if that. I've got plenty more in my room, which is right below where we're standing."  
  
"Do it and hurry back. We've don't have a lot of time before they drive over here."  
  
Cricket looked out to the transport. "They're not driving."  
  
"What?" said Alpine.  
  
"They're hiking. There aren't any vehicles at all."  
  
Alpine squinted. "Your eyes must be a lot better than mine. I can barely see anything through all the smoke."  
  
"I'll be right back." She turned and left through the roof access door.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket entered the apartment and headed for her room. She looked out the window as she stuffed her quiver full of arrows; the Rattlers and FANGs were turning round and leaving, although the gliders were staying and fighting. She turned that over in her mind for a few minutes. All the vehicles were -  
  
Shit.  
  
"Duke!" she yelled into the wrist phone. "Flint! Anyone! Get those planes down! Now!"  
  
"Cricket, it's Duke. What -"  
  
"The Core! You've got to get everyone out of the sky before -"  
  
A sudden rush of blue sent the window flying at her in shards. She turned so that her back was facing it, but the force of the energy sent part of the frame hurtling into the back of her head, plunging her into darkness.  
  
*****  
  
She had no idea how long she'd been out. When she came to, face down, the lights were out. So was her wrist phone. She started to get up, only to find that she was too heavy.  
  
Cobra had obviously found a way to make the Core do what they wanted.  
  
Cricket slowly, painfully crawled her way out to the common room. Her back felt like it was on fire; she wondered how badly she was hurt. As she got further from the window, it became marginally easier to move. There must have been something in the walls that helped block the effects of the Core.  
  
She tried again to get up. it took some doing, but she made it.  
  
"Ouch," she said emphatically.  
  
She picked up her quiver, which now weighed about a hundred fifty pounds, and gently put it on her back. She clipped the eighty-pound bow to its latch on the quiver as well.  
  
Moving to the door, she listened for anyone who might be outside. Satisfied that she was alone, she exited the apartment and headed toward the stairwell. As she reached the doorway, however, she heard a pair of - no, three - Cobra troopers climbing the stairs. They were talking to their superior on the radio.  
  
She immediately bolted for the elevator. It took every ounce of strength she had, but she was able to pry the doors apart. The elevator car was a few stories below her; she started to lower herself down on the ladder. It occurred to her that Cobra would probably not be aware she had transferred to G.I. Joe yet; if she didn't alert them to her presence, chances were they wouldn't be looking for her.  
  
"That's you, Mae," she said to herself as she forced the doors shut behind her. "Always thinking. Do try not to plummet to your death while you're congratulating yourself."  
  
Once the doors were shut, she felt lighter. Not back to normal - not even close - but definitely an improvement.   
  
"Now, if the building is offering me some shielding, then the mainframe that's located four stories below ground in a reinforced concrete bunker, might still be usable. I wonder if - Dammit, MacDougal, you're talking to yourself again."  
  
Cricket reached the top of the elevator car, dropping onto it and lifting the maintainance panel. She poked her head through, listening for any signs of life. She didn't hear anything. Didn't mean no one was there, of course. Slowy, carefully, she lowered herself to the floor of the car, feeling her mass balloon as she did so. She landed with a much louder "thud" than she expected. However, legions of Cobra troops failed to materialize, and she realized she was alone. She went to the stairwell and hurried to ground level.  
  
Breaker had told her that every building on the base had access to the tunnels leading down into the mainframe bunker. That access was usually through a floor hatch located in the northwest corner of the building. Reaching the first floor, she tried to figure out which way northwest was. Realizing it was the apartment on the far left, she ran up to it. The plaque on the door read 2LT PULASKI. She kicked the door and wondered if she broke her toe when it failed to do anything. She gave it a couple more kicks, and finally she felt it begin to yield. One more kick and the door splintered from its hinges.  
  
She was immediately knocked back by the stench. This was definitely a boy's apartment.  
  
Putting the door back in place as best she could, Cricket crossed to the bedroom. According to Breaker, the floor hatch would be under the carpeting, which in turn seemed to be under a metric ton of unwashed socks and nudie mags. Taking care not to touch the socks (ESPECIALLY the ones near the nudie mags), she pulled the carpet up from the flooring to find the hatchway. She was exhausted, and couldn't wait for this to be over so she could get a hot shower and a nap.  
  
She slowly lowered herself down into the service tunnel, feeling better as she did so.. She followed the yellow line to another hatchway in the floor. She opened it and immediately wished she hadn't.  
  
She lowered herself into the sewage pipe, being careful to stay on the catwalk. Although the pipe afforded her further relief from the effects of the Gravity Core, she couldn't help but wish that they had managed to put a bakery or a chocolatier down there instead.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket finally reached the mainframe. Now four stories underground, she felt almost normal.  
  
The mainframe was connected to a separate generator. Once she got it going, it seemed to be working almost normally. She switched on the smaller terminal and surveyed the damage so far. All power was out, except for the emergency backup generators down on her level, although they couldn't get any power up to the main levels without the Core sucking it dry.  
  
She experimented with rerouting power to some of the cameras. Nothing. Then she tried to get communications back up. Still no luck. It occurred to her that if the reinforced concrete all over the base was acting as shielding, she might be able to raise individual people on the wrist phone, provided something heavy was between them and the Core. She sent out some test signals and looked to see if any of them connected.  
  
"This is Cricket, broadcasting on all channels," she said into her phone. "Is anyone receiving me?"  
  
After a few minutes, she started to hear some crackling over the line. "-cket?" she made out.  
  
"I read you. Who's this? What is your situation?"  
  
The signal was weak. She rerouted power into the signal, hopeful that Cobra wouldn't pick up on it. "This is Jaye. Situation is not good. We have a lot of wounded and a lot captured. Where are you?"  
  
"I'm in the mainframe bunker. I'm trying to restore power now."  
  
"Don't waste your time. It's all gone, and anything we do manage to raise gets sucked up. All our vehicles, all our lasers, everything's out. We couldn't even start a campfire."  
  
"Okay. What's going on? Can you see Duke?"  
  
"Hang on." The line crackled and sputtered. "I'm gonna have Snake tell me what he sees. If I poke my head around the corner this phone'll go out. He says Destro's got a huge machine with him... he has Duke. He also has the wounded surrounding him; from here he can see Ace and Scarlett. He thinks that's Wild Bill next to her. There are others, but he can't make out who's who. He says Destro is moving normally; there's some kind of bubble around him and the machine. Flint's commanding now. He's on the other side of this building."  
  
"Is Duke hurt?  
  
"Snake doesn't think so."  
  
"Who else is with you?" Cricket asked.  
  
"I have Alpine, Breaker and Snake Eyes."  
  
"All right; hang on." Cricket was looking in the files; she pulled up Hawk's dossier on the Core. Seems he knew a little more about it than she thought he did. "If Snake were to signal something to Duke, would Duke understand?"  
  
"Of course. The only issue is can Snake signal? It's damned near impossible to move."  
  
"Try to get Duke's attention without letting Destro notice." She looked through the files, looking for anything.  
  
"Duke sees him," Jaye said after a while.  
  
"Tell him the Core is incredibly unstable. Disrupting the gravity field is actually very easy. Disrupting it without blowing the whole base to the moon is more difficult. How is Duke with delicate operations?"  
  
"He can open a bag of potato chips without the bottom blowing open and sending chips flying everywhere eight times out of ten."  
  
"That isn't very reassuring."  
  
"It isn't meant to be."  
  
"Okay, there are sixteen leads on top of the Core. Four by four. How does Destro have it hooked up?"  
  
After a minute, Jaye said, "There's a wire coming out of the very top one to the far left."  
  
"Call that lead one. What else?"  
  
Another minute went by. "Lead three, lead five, lead eight, lead twelve and lead fifteen all have wires connecting them up to the machine."  
  
She tried to coordinate all of that. "Someone should really leave some scratch paper down here for this sort of emergency." She found a configuration in the file that lined up with that setup and worked it out. "Okay, listen. If Duke can pull the wire from lead fifteen and plug it into lead seven, pull the wire out of lead eight and cross it with lead one, then pull the wire out of five and find some way to ground it, we may have something. It probably won't shut the gravity field off completely, but it should cause it to fluctuate enough to make moving around a little bit easier."  
  
"Do you really know what you're talking about?"  
  
"Actually, no. But there are some pretty thourough notes in this file. I just hope I'm reading them right."  
  
"Okay, Duke's signalled to Flint to distract Destro." A long pause. "Destro's talking to Flint. He's distracted. Duke's gonna try now."  
  
After a few minutes Jaye said, "I think it's working. I don't feel as heavy. Can you find your way back up to the roof?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
"Do it. We'll be up there waiting."  
  
She printed off some of the file and left.  
  
*****  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, Cricket reached the rooftop. Alpine had gotten Jaye and the rest of her team up there as well.  
  
"What's going on?" she whispered.  
  
"Listen," said Breaker.  
  
Destro, inside the bubble which afforded him protection, had surrounded himself with the wounded, which also included Cover Girl and General Hawk. Duke, Stalker and Beach Head were also inside the bubble, apparently unhurt but under armed guard. "Be reasonable, Flint," he said. "Your friends re gravely injured. Your laser rifles don't work, and the conventional weapons are too affected by the gravity field to be of any use to you. If you try to shoot me through this field, I simply amplify the gravity and the bullet swings down and hits one of your friends. Surrender G.I. Joe to me."  
  
"Fuck yourself."  
  
"If Cover Girl doesn't receive medical attention immediately, she will die. The others don't have much longer. There's no need for this. We can -"  
  
"Destro, sir?" A Cobra officer held up a communicator. "Cobra Commander."  
  
Destro took the communicator, rolled his eyes to the heavens, and said, "Yes, Commander. Everything's going splendidly. I assure you, G.I. Joe will no longer be around to trouble us... no, I haven't, because I wanted to wait until I had something to report. I... Look. This time we try it my way. Get rid of G.I. Joe first, THEN blackmail the world with the Gravity Device... Calm yourself. I KNOW that's not how we normally... Have patience, my dear Cobra Commander. I -" He looked at the communicator and handed it back to the officer.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"He threw another chair into his terminal. He's like a toddler." He turned his attention back to Flint. "Where were we?"  
  
"I'm pretty sure I was suggesting that you fuck yourself."  
  
Cricket judged the distance. The gravity was going up, then down, then up again. She tried to establish a pattern. As she did, she asked, "Cover Girl looks awful. What happened?"  
  
"A Skystriker fell on the Wolverine when the beam hit," said Breaker. "She got pulled out, but she really needs a doctor."  
  
"Cricket, did you do something to the energy levels?" Jaye asked.  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"Because my wrist phone is starting to crackle a little bit. Maybe when the gravity field went all nutty like this, its ability to siphon off all the energy got affected."  
  
"Possibly. There's still not a lot of energy, though."  
  
Jaye whispered into her phone. "Lady Jaye to Duke. Do you copy? Tap your fingers together if you copy."  
  
Duke did.  
  
"Look, we're gonna find a way to get you guys out of there. If we can get Destro to get that field down -"  
  
"I have a shot," said Cricket.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I have a shot at Destro. The gravity field is unstable, but it's flucutation is following a pattern. In a few minutes, gravity will be almost normal for a second or two."  
  
"Unacceptable. The last thing you want is to have the field go up and your arrow get someone else instead. You can't -"  
  
Snake Eyes put a hand on Jaye's shoulder and pointed.  
  
"What's he saying?" Cricket asked.  
  
"He wants us to look at Duke." Duke was signing furiously, trying to make sure the Cobra soldiers couldn't make out wheat he was doing.  
  
"He says 'Do it,'" Jaye said sadly. "'The important thing is to get this thing out of Cobra's hands. Our lives are secondary. Do it.'" They looked; Cover Girl was directly between them and Destro. "Duke, there has to be -"  
  
More signalling. "Stop arguing with me and do it!"  
  
"All right. As soon as things get interesting, have Stalker and Beach take down the guards."  
  
Breaker was looking over the files Cricket had brought with her. "If Duke can pull all the wires out simultaneously, except for leads one and eight, we should start to get some of our power back."  
  
"Did you catch that?" Jaye asked. He had.  
  
Cricket notched an arrow, waiting for the opportunity.  
  
"Please be careful," Jaye said quietly. Cricket nodded.  
  
Destro was still talking. Flint wasn't budging.  
  
Cricket could feel the gravity start to right itself again. Just a few more seconds...  
  
Three...  
  
Two...  
  
One...  
  
She loosed the arrow and prayed.  
  
Destro had turned his head. The arrow hit him in the ear. It was unable to pierce the beryllium steel coating, but the arrow had effectively boxed his ear and he howled in pain nonetheless. Grabbing his ear and falling to his knees, he dropped the control to the Gravity Device. As one, Stalker and Beach Head turned around and took out their guards. Duke leapt to the Core and unplugged the wires in the manner Breaker described.  
  
Alpine's rifle started to hum. "We got juice!" he yelled.  
  
That was all Flint needed to hear. Picking himself up and brandishing his shotgun, he yelled, "YO JOE!"  
  
*****  
  
The fight was brief after that. With full power returning, the Joes came loaded for bear against a mob of Cobra soldiers who were mostly on foot. The outcome was predictable.  
  
*****  
  
"Breaker, call the Pentagon. I want this thing off my base in an hour." Hawk, ever the general, was barking orders while he was getting bandaged. "And you," he said to the medical assistant, "go find someone who's actually hurt. Everyone who was up in the air when that thing went off got themselves in a world of hurt."  
  
"We've got everybody, sir. Doc's opening up Cover Girl now."  
  
Cricket had found them. "Will she be okay?"  
  
"We'll know tonight."  
  
Now that things had settled down, Cricket realized she had time to worry about her friends. She was also so exhausted, physically and emotionally, that she really wanted to cry.  
  
"Sir, please sit still -"  
  
"Oh, get off me." Hawk shook the medic away and turned to leave.  
  
The medic saw the state of Cricket's back, and began to look her over.  
  
All around them, the cleanup effort had begun. Cobras were being led to holding cells awaiting pickup. Destro had manged to squirrel himself away. The wounded were being tended to. Hawk started to leave, looking for Duke, who had followed after Scarlett to the infirmary. Before leaving, he turned to Cricket. "Mary?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, sir?"  
  
"Good work today." He then turned around and went about his business.  
  
"Thank you, sir," she said, quietly filled with pride. She found herself giving in, and wept softly. 


	5. Part Five

Newbie - Part 5  
  
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.  
  
I want to thank everyone for their feedback. It really helps.  
  
As I write this, Cartoon Network is taking G.I. Joe off its schedule next week. Write 'em a letter and see if we can't keep it on the air.  
  
*****  
  
Courtney looked up and counted the acoustic tiles in the ceiling for the thirty-second time that day. It mildly annoyed her that in those thirty-two times, she had come up with at least four different numbers.  
  
Mmmmmm, Demerol.  
  
She assumed that she kept fading in and out of consciousness. What seemed to actually happen, though was that she'd blink and suddenly it'd be dark out, or a nurse would be fixing her IV. That would have disconcerted the hell out of her if she'd been in a more legal state of mind.  
  
Doc walked in and looked at her chart. "You awake?"  
  
"Mmm hmm."  
  
"How are you feeling? Any pain today?"  
  
"Um..." She checked. "Yeah. Some. I'm pretty itchy, too."  
  
"You must be having an allergic reaction to the Demerol. We'll fix it." He made a note on the chart. "Have you eaten anything today?"  
  
"Not really. Oh, except the juice. That seemed okay."  
  
"I need you to try to eat something more substantial than that. Okay?"  
  
"Could you open the blinds?" Courtney asked. "It's awfully dark in here."  
  
Doc went to the window and did as she asked. "Do you feel up to a visitor?" he asked.  
  
"Is it my mother?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Is it someone trying to take my Demerol away?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then by all means, bid them enter." She gave as theatric a flourish as she was capable.  
  
"Keep talking like that and I'll lower your dosage." He went to the door, tapping her on the foot with his clipboard as he passed. "Feel better." He left. Courtney could hear him talking to someone on the other side.  
  
Shana entered the room with a huge card signed by everyone at the base. Her arm was still in a sling. "Hey you!" she said. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Like a plane fell on me." She noticed Shana's arm. "What happened to you?"  
  
"My plane fell on someone." She grinned.  
  
"So YOU'RE the reason I know what my spleen tastes like."  
  
"what DOES spleen taste like?"  
  
"Gardenburger."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No."  
  
The kill switch on Courtney's IV gave a little beep. "Woo hoo!" she said, feebly, as she pushed the button that pumped pain medication into her bloodstream. "You have to get one of these," she told Shana. "This, right here, is my new favorite button."  
  
"What's the beep for?"  
  
"This thing's set so I can only medicate myself every fifteen minutes. Apparently Doc has this hangup about people dying of Demerol overdoses. Prig." She shifted in her bed, trying to make herself more comfortable. "So how'd we do?"  
  
"We did fine. The Core's on its way to the desert to be dismantled. We got a lot of arrests. Destro took his ball and went home. Mae did real good, too."  
  
"I taught her everything she knows."  
  
"You've known her for less than a week. You were unconscious for most of it."  
  
"I teach by example. Allow me to demonstrate." She pushed the call button.  
  
A voice came over the speaker. "Yes?"  
  
"Hi. This is Cover Girl."  
  
"I know who this is. I'm at the desk outside your room."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"... you called me."  
  
"Did I? Ah. I want you to pretend that you're a man I like."  
  
"Um... okay."  
  
"I like you."  
  
"Er... thank you?"  
  
"That's it." She thought for a minute, then pushed the call button again.  
  
The speaker sighed. "Yes?"  
  
"I'm also out of juice." She put the call button down and looked at Shana. "See what I just did? I TALKED to him. I told him how I felt. And did you see what happened?"  
  
"He thanked you out of sheer confusion."  
  
"And he offered to bring me juice."  
  
"He didn't offer. You demanded juice."  
  
"You have to read between the lines. Next, you can explain to me why a highly trained counter-intelligence expert who's rapidly hurtling towards thirty years old has a huge, purple stuffed bear on her bed named Mr. Growlingtons."  
  
Just then, there was a tentative knock on the opened door. Mae was standing there, dressed in casual clothes except for the hospital scrub she was wearing in place of a shirt. "Hello?"  
  
Shana looked up. "Hi!"  
  
"Hi yourself. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Oh, I'm fine. Doc says this'll heal in a few weeks."  
  
Mae turned to Courtney. "You finally decided to wake up, I see. How are you doing?"  
  
"Not so hot," she replied. "Every time I breathe my lungs feel like they're trying to have a baby."  
  
"Maybe you should stop breathing, then," Mae said, smiling.  
  
"I tried. Doc wouldn't let me."  
  
"I swear to God, the lengths you go to attract attention to yourself astound me sometimes," said Shana. "'Oh, look at me. I'm all trapped under an F-14 and stuff.' Showoff."  
  
Courtney affected an innocent look. "You wound me deeply." She smiled sleepily. "Oh, wait. You already did."  
  
Mae shuffled painfully to a chair and gingerly sat down on the edge, taking care not to let her back touch it.  
  
"So I'm in the motor pool this morning... First of all, how do you spend time in there day in and day out without losing your mind?" Mae asked.  
  
"I'm not sure I haven't," replied Courtney. "The day you start feeling pride for being able to belch the alphabet the loudest is the day you start to doubt your sanity."  
  
"So, I'm passing by, and Gung Ho runs out and tells me there's a race on. He asks if I can help out. They were short one. I figured, why not?"  
  
"See, that was your first mistake."  
  
"I realize that now. Because apparently I had volunteered for something called the UXPC."  
  
"And that stands for..."  
  
"The Ultimate Extreme Piggyback Challenge."  
  
"Oh, they're good," said Courtney. "Why do they always come up with this shit when I'm not around?"  
  
Shana started giggling. "What exactly makes it extreme piggyback?"  
  
"Well, for starters, I was carrying Roadblock."  
  
"Well, that's not..."  
  
"With a skateboard strapped to each foot."  
  
"Okay, I can..."  
  
"And a fire extinguisher on my back."  
  
Shana laughed. Loudly. "You lost, then?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. Big time. As soon as Steeler shouted 'Go,' Roadblock heaved backward and sent me spinning into a bunch of RAMs."  
  
"Sorry I missed it," said Shana.  
  
Mae handed her a disc. "Breaker's been busy. This was within mike range, so apparently you can actually hear me screaming like Sport Goofy while I'm careening into the motorcycles." She rolled her eyes. "Then Doc was pissed at me for breaking my stitches. Threatened to make them twice as big this time."  
  
"Hello? Horribly wounded person over here! Almost died! Pay attention to me!" Courtney was a notoriously bad patient.  
  
They both turned to Courtney. "Didn't I just hear your beepy thing go off?" asked Shana.  
  
"Did it?" Courtney pushed the button. "Oooooooooh, yeah."  
  
She fell asleep shortly after.  
  
*****  
  
Shana went to look for a table while Mae got in the chow line. Shana needn't have gone ahead; Roadblock wasn't cooking that day, and the mess was relatively empty. Grabbing a tray, Mae went up to the counter. "So," she said to the man pulling lunchlady duty that day, "what do you have today?"  
  
"Um, something brown."  
  
"You can't be any more specific than that?"  
  
"Look at it. You tell me." She did. It might have been meat. It might have been cake.  
  
"All right, gimme some of that. What's the green thing?"  
  
"Peas." He scooped some up and dumped it on her tray.  
  
"Can I get two? I have someone waiting for me at a table."  
  
He looked at the untouched piles of what could generously be described as food sitting behind the counter. "Yeah, I think I can spare some." He doubled up on brown stuff, as well.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
She walked out to the seating area, and looked around for Shana. She saw that she had sat down with Duke. For a moment, Mae thought about slipping out the door. This was partly because she thought maybe they'd like to eat alone, but mostly because despite the fact that Duke had never been anything other than friendly to her, she was absolutely terrified of being around him.  
  
Although she was usually able to keep a lid on it during high-pressure situations, Mae had an almost pathological need to act like an idiot in front of her COs by saing something superhumanly stupid out of sheer anxiety, then escalating the matter until she was completely incapable of stopping herself from speaking; she was really trying not to indulge this so much recently. She always half suspected that her transfer to the Joes was not so much a result of her service record as an attempt by Col. Mendoza to get the goober who once knocked herself out saluting and who turned a morning report into a very stuttery a capella version of "We're an American Band" the hell off his base. She had yet to really shine in this respect at Joe headquarters (the whole "Star Blazers" thing notwithstanding), because she was new enough that she wasn't really talking to anyone yet. However, people were now starting to recognize her, and she realized that her borderline psychotic behavior was going to present itself anew as soon as Flint stopped in to look in on her when Doc was checking out her back after the battle. The pressure from the battle off, she began to babble about how tall he was, which soon gave way to a barely coherent dissertation on how many clones of herself would fit into his clothes before Doc had to excuse himself.  
  
Too late. Shana had seen her and waved her over. She and Duke were talking about Courtney when Mae reached them.  
  
"- telling me that her tongue tasted like wet dog. When she asked me if I wanted to see for myself, I realized the medicine was starting to kick in and I should let her sleep," Duke was saying. "Besides, she's even more ornery than usual. Giving me all kinds of shit over stuff."  
  
"What stuff?" Mae asked, sitting down.  
  
"Um, just stuff." He looked at Shana, who was too concerned with identifying the brown stuff to notice. "You know. Things."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Actually, Cricket, I needed to run something by you," he said, changing the subject. "Hawk's let me know he's bringing in a new computer guy."  
  
"What? Why?" Mae asked.  
  
"Well, a lot of it has to do with the fact that he wants you reassigned to a permanent infantry position. Some of it has to do with the fact that you somehow managed to wipe out a lot of the personnel files while you were in the mainframe. Think he said the new kid's name was Parker." He got what looked like a small PDA out of his pocket as Mae groaned. "We can get the Pentagon to send over the originals, but we need new voice recognition files. Actually, Scarlett, while I have you, can I get you to re-record that?" He put a mike to her face.  
  
"Sure." She took the mike. "The usual?" she asked.  
  
"That's right. Look in the scanner." He held up the PDA-thing to her eye.  
  
As a light flashed from the scanner into her pupil, she said, slowly and clearly, "O'Hara, Sergeant Shana Marie, clearance Alpha-Four-One-Zed-Bravo." It gave a whistle.  
  
Duke clicked something on the scanner and wrote something down with a light pen. "Marie?"  
  
Shana shrugged. "I'm Irish Catholic. I think it's actually a law."  
  
He handed the mike to Mae as she was taking a huge swig of her soda. "Your turn."  
  
The light flashed in her eyes. Fighting the urge to blink, she said, "MacDougal, Corporal Mary Catherine, Clearance Foxtrot-Niner-Three-Bravo-Delt-BRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAP." She flushed, and mumbled "Sorry." Duke's thingee whistled again.  
  
"Geez," said Shana. "Let's hope you never have to access anything."  
  
"So, to recap," said Duke, "In the occasion that you need to initiate a security override, you'll need to state your name, most of your clearance, then belch very, very loudly and apologize under your breath. Got all that?"  
  
"... Yes."  
  
"Stop tormenting her, Duke. Re-record that."  
  
"I can't until my own VR file goes in, which won't happen until the Pentagon sends what we need. One shot. This is already on its way to Washington." He half-smiled at Mae sypathetically. "Sorry, kid."  
  
"That's okay." She glared at the can of YoJoe Cola that she now realized was the personification of purest evil. Or would have been, had the can actually been a person. She began to indulge in one of her favorite pastimes, mentally coming up with a diatribe against that which had wronged her.  
  
Stalin would have liked this soda.  
  
Duke stabbed at his green stuff. "So how long does Doc have you sidelined for?"  
  
Shana replied, "Ten days, then light duty for another couple of weeks after that. I was thinking of heading down to Atlanta for a few days."  
  
YoJoe cola, the official carbonated beverage of the American Nazi Party since 1983.  
  
"When would you be coming back?"  
  
"Probably Sunday."  
  
Duke was surprised. "You're not gonna miss Roadblock's throwdown, are you?"  
  
YoJoe cola, never conclusively proven to cause total renal shutdown.  
  
"When is it?" Shana asked.  
  
"Saturday. Not tonight, but next Saturday."  
  
"Sorry. I promised my dad I'd try to be home for my birthday. I hate to miss it, though."  
  
The conversation halted abruptly when Mae said, "YoJoe cola, for all your acid reflux needs." She looked at them, and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I keep doing that."  
  
"Oh, for God's sake," said Duke, rolling his eyes. "Here." He took her soda can, shook it vigorously with his thumb over the opening, drank what was left in one gulp and let fly with a decent belch of his own. "There. Really. No need to be so embarrassed all the time. I promise you, no -" he stopped short as his tongue finally relayed to his brain what the soda tasted like. "Jesus. Did this go bad?"  
  
"No," said Shana, "it always tastes like that."  
  
"Ugh. I think I'm sterile now."  
  
Mae started to steer the conversation back to where Duke had left it. "When are you leaving?"  
  
"I was thinking about heading out Wednesday." She looked at Duke. "If that's okay with you, of course."  
  
It was patently obvious to anyone who cared to look that it was far from okay with Duke. It took about a half-second too long for him to answer. "No, of course. That's fine. Have a good trip."  
  
If Shana noticed his reluctance, she didn't show it.  
  
Mae decided, since Courtney was laid up and Allie was on duty, that it fell to her to send thought waves to Duke commanding him to tell Shana to stay. Duke, obstinately, ate his brown thing as if she was doing nothing.  
  
Shana braved some of the brown stuff. "I think this might be pork."  
  
"Like a pulled pork kind of thing?" asked Duke.  
  
"Something like that. Only far less edible." She pushed he tray away. "I think I have Corn Pops in my fridge. I just can't bring myself to finish this. DUke, what are you up to today?"  
  
"I'm meeting with Hawk in twenty, then I'm on until about 2300 hours. Do you wanna -" He noticed, in the corner of his eye, Mae giving him the hairy eyeball. "Do you know, and please don't take this the wrong way, that you might actually be the oddest person I've ever had under my command?"  
  
Mae blushed. He was the CO, sure, but he had a way about him that put her at ease, and he probably had no idea how grateful that made her. "I'm cute, though. I fit in your pocket, and my nose has just the right number of freckles. I'm also working on my ability to send thought waves to command people to do my bidding."  
  
"And how's that working out for you?"  
  
"Apparently, not so well."  
  
Duke chuckled. "Mendoza warned me about you."  
  
Mae was surprised. She didn't think that Duke would have contacted her old CO directly. "What, um, what did he say, exactly?"  
  
He grinned at her. "Nothing I haven't seen for myself firsthand. He liked you a lot."  
  
"No, he didn't."  
  
"No, really, he did."  
  
"You know," said Mae, "there was another girl who looked a lot like me. Only she didn't hurt herself as often or break as much stuff. He might have been thinking of her."  
  
"Was she the one who drew a mustache on her face in that prototype adhesive paint that didn't wash off for six days?"  
  
"Uh, no. That was me."  
  
"Then you're the one he was talking about." He ate some peas and made a face. "He was tough on you, but he said you had a good heart and you loved your country and if nothing else, you were entertaining as hell."  
  
Shana said, "See Steeler over there?" Mae looked. "Before he got here, he accidentally drove a tank into the Pacific Ocean. Flash got busted on three separate occasions for using his laser rifle to make grilled cheese sandwiches. Hell, one time Duke took a jeep and -"  
  
"Okay, she gets the idea."  
  
Mae leaned in towards Shana. "You'll tell me later, right?"  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
Duke rolled his eyes. "ANYWAY," he said loudly, "There's barely a person here who had an unblemished record before joining the Joes. Stop waiting for someone to tell you there was a mistake and you shouldn't be here."  
  
Mae gave Duke a half-grin. That was exactly what she'd been waiting for.  
  
Shana got up. "I'm gonna head up. Duke, if I don't see you later, wanna do breakfast tomorrow morning?"  
  
"If I'm up when you go. Sure."  
  
Shana smiled. "Mae, I'll see you later?"  
  
Mae nodded. "Four o'clock?"  
  
"That's right. See you then." She left.  
  
"What's at four?" Duke asked.  
  
"We're heading into town. She wants to show me around. Maybe shop. Probably eat something." She played with her food. "So, um, speaking of going into town and shopping for things -"  
  
Duke put his head in his hands. "Christ."  
  
"Courtney was telling me -"  
  
"Courtney talks way too much."  
  
"- that you were going in the night before Cobra attacked. Did you ever get to go?"  
  
He grunted. "No. I haven't had a night off all week."  
  
"What were you gonna get her?"  
  
"I'm - I wasn't sure." He took another bite of the peas. "Why the hell did I do that?"  
  
"It's good for you. Makes you big and strong."  
  
"I already am big and strong." He pushed the tray away, then absently pulled it back towards him.  
  
Mae took a deep breath. "Duke, I realize I'm new here, and I also realize that there are implications with this sort of thing -"  
  
"Then you realize why I have to let things lie."  
  
"Have you ever talked to Hawk?"  
  
"I don't need to."  
  
"It couldn't hurt. It might help. And you could -"  
  
Duke turned and looked Mae in the eye. Using his full-tilt CO voice, he said, "Cricket, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but you need to drop this. Now."  
  
Mae swallowed. "Yes, sir."  
  
He looked at his watch. "I have that meeting with Hawk." He got up and turned to leave.  
  
Mae called after him. "Duke?"  
  
He turned around. "Yeah?"  
  
"Could you ask him something for me while you're there?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Could you let him know there's this sergeant who's got it really bad for you and is it okay if you take her out sometime?"  
  
Duke smiled despite himself. "You never give up, do you?"  
  
She smiled back. "Not until I get the answer I want."  
  
Duke shook his head and left.  
  
Mae got down to plotting. She only had four days before Shana left, and a week until her birthday, which fell on Roadlock's salute to barbequed meat products. She had to get busy. 


	6. Part Six

Newbie - Part 6  
  
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.  
  
I want to thank everyone for their feedback. It really helps.  
  
As I write this, Cartoon Network is taking G.I. Joe off its schedule next week. Write 'em a letter and see if we can't keep it on the air.  
  
*****  
  
Mae went back up to her apartment. She'd had nothing to eat except for a mouthful of pork cake, or whatever the hell that was, all day, and she didn't feel like she'd be able to come up with a truly diabolical plan to bend Duke to her will on an empty stomach.  
  
A few hours later, she'd managed to put away half a box of Ring Dings, change from the rather uncomfortable hospital top into her Dropkick Murphys shirt, put her bathrobe on over her clothes, play a buttload of video games, and lose one of her socks.  
  
Days off were glorious.  
  
Mae put the controller down and went to the minifridge. She found half a box of baking soda, something sealed in some Tupperware that looked like a giant caterpillar, and three cans of YoJoe. She wished that Courtney would have thought to refill the fridge before she so thoughtlessly got herself hospitalized. Mae wasn't even sure where to go to get anything.  
  
She began to wonder if it was possible to die from a lack of junk food when there was a knock at her door. Mae looked at her watch; it was almost four.  
  
She opened the door. Shana stood and smiled at her. "Ready to go?" she asked. Mae looked at her; she had washed her face, but Shana had obviously been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy.  
  
"Are you all right?" asked Mae. "What's the matter?"  
  
Shana waved her off. "I'm fine. Don't worry about it."  
  
"Really? Seriously, what's going on?"  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
"Oh! Of course. I'm sorry." Mae stood aside to allow Shana enough room to enter. "Have you been outside? Do I need a jacket?"  
  
"I don't know," Shana replied. "I doubt it, though." She looked down. "You do, on the other hand, probably need your other sock."  
  
"Yeah, it's around here somewhere." Mae looked hard at Shana. She was blinking a lot. "Do you want something to eat? I have, um, baking soda. And some kind of Doodlebug science experiment."  
  
"I'll pass. I was thinking we'd eat when we went out. There's a diner that serves this amazing cherry pie I was kinda in the mood for."  
  
Mae smiled. "Pie's good."  
  
"No one doesn't like pie."  
  
Shana kept blinking. Her party smile was in full force. "Shana, if you want to take a rain check, we can do this another time."  
  
"Don't be silly. This'll be fun."  
  
Mae suddenly walked up to Shana and held her tight. Shana instantly collapsed, crying so hard Mae thought she was going to hyperventilate.  
  
"I love him so much," she sobbed into Mae's shoulder.  
  
"I know, honey. I know."  
  
*****  
  
Lady Jaye sat at a terminal in the control room, slogging her way through a mountain of paperwork she'd been putting off for the better part of a month.  
  
"I swear to God, for every day that goes by without anything happening," she complained to Flint, "you have to write a full page on everything that didn't happen. Page Thirteen: An In-Depth Analysis of the MOBAT Theft and Recovery That Never Actually Happened But Could Have." She rubbed her face. "Followed by an exciting tale of the watch command that went smoothly and entirely without incident."  
  
"Except you get to do five of them," Flint pointed out unhelpfully. Jaye groaned. "Well, this is what happens when you put off your work."  
  
Jaye just stared at him. "You? You actually just said that?" She shuffled her chair away from him. "I'm just going to move over here so I don't accidentally get hit by the lightning. I've seen the archive boxes in your room, me bucko. Hawk'll have a complete flying shitfit if he ever catches wind of that. That's three months of undone paperwork, easy."  
  
"All right, all right. I'll lay off. I'm gonna go watch Ace test pilot one of the new Skystrikers."  
  
"Do you really have that little to do?"  
  
"Actually, yes. When are you off?"  
  
"About another hour or so. Stop by the apartment around eight."  
  
"Sounds good." He gave her a quick kiss. "See you then." He left her to her work.  
  
Jaye stared at the screen, willing the work to just go away.  
  
"Jaye?" called Breaker from the other side of the room. "I got Cricket on the phone for you."  
  
Relief! "I'll get it over here," she called back. Picking up the handset, she said, "Cricket?"  
  
"Allie, I need help," Mae replied. She spoke very quickly. "Shana's here with me and she's wicked upset because she thought Duke was gonna say something but he didn't and now she has to go to Georgia and spend her birthday getting wedgied by her brothers and she never really wanted to go but now she has to so Duke won't find out and -"  
  
"Wait, wait. Slow down. Can I talk to her?"  
  
"Um -" Allie could hear Shana in the background, forming half words that sounded like a dolphin squeaking. "She's not really making much sense right now."  
  
"All right. Go to our apartment. There's half a bottle of Stoli in the freezer. Get that and her bear. Also, in your utensil drawer, underneath the tray, is a big ass hunk of Toblerone Courtney's got hidden away that we're not supposed to know about. Grab that, too."  
  
"Will do."  
  
"Okay. Don't say it now, but when she calms down a little tell her to stop playing mind games with Duke. They don't help. I'll be up there as soon as I can."  
  
*****  
  
Over the next hour, Shana let everything pour out. The years of wondering. Her CO had become her best friend, and as she felt her feelings for him grow, she felt like he might be looking at her the same way. Or maybe she was just hoping. She could never be sure. And then today, she was sure she saw something, and she let herself get her hopes up. Despite all the consequences that a relationship with her commanding officer would rain down, she allowed herself to think that she could have him.  
  
But he never said anything.  
  
Shana was slumped on the couch, her face smeared with dried tears and chocolate, clutching her bear like it was her child. Her drink sat on the table, untouched.  
  
"I'm really sorry," Shana said. "I'm so embarrassed."  
  
"Why? You don't have to be." Mae smiled. "Well, actually, you do seem to have chocolate in your hair somehow. That's a little embarrassing."  
  
Shana gave a sad little smile. "Am I fooling myself? Am i just seeing something that isn't there?"  
  
"I don't think so." Mae took another bite of chocolate. "Why don't you just talk to him?"  
  
"Because... I dunno. Everything goes away. If he feels the same way, he still isn't going to want to do anything because it puts his career in jeopardy. I don't especially want to flush my own career, either. And if he doesn't feel like I do... well, that's not something I want to have to deal with. Either way, we couldn't work together after that."  
  
"So you'd rather just fume inwardly and have the occasional meltdown?"  
  
"Is that so wrong?"  
  
"But Shana, if you don't deal with it, you're just going to make yourself miserable. Courtney's making herself sick worrying." She smiled. "Hell, I've only been here a few days and you're already depressing the shit outta me."  
  
Shana chuckled at that. "Sorry." Then she became a little more alert, thinking about what was just said. "I AM sorry. You barely know me, and here I am blubbering all over you. You must think I'm a lunatic."  
  
"No more so than anyone else I've met this week. Besides, don't feel too bad; after that fight with Cobra I just started crying all over one of Doc's assistants for no reason. He thought he hurt me. Made him panic. It was actually kind of cute."  
  
"That had to have been Edwin. He's sweet." She smiled. "It doesn't really take a lot of imagination to get him flustered." She started laughing. "One time, Courtney and I were passing by the infirmary and she noticed him in the window. She flashed him and he passed out."  
  
"You're kidding!"  
  
"He's a preacher's boy."  
  
"And look at how skillfully we've managed to stray from the topic of you talking to Duke."  
  
"Yeah, I noticed that, too. You're far too clever for me."  
  
In the thickest South Boston accent she could muster, Mae said, "I'm wicked smaht!"  
  
*****  
  
Duke sat in his office, picking up the potato chips that had gone flying all over his desk when the bag popped. He was not having a banner day. That day failed to get any better when Lady Jaye marched into his office, slammed the door behind her, and said, "You chickenshit."  
  
He was so stunned that he actually heard himself meekly say, "Come in?"  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?"  
  
"Er... in what sense?"  
  
"I don't know what it was you said, or did, or whatever, but Shana's up in Mary's room bawling her eyes out."  
  
"What? I didn't do anything. Why do you -"  
  
"Shut up. Look, Duke, you NEED to talk to her. Until you do, she's going to sit around and wait for you to decide what you want. And she's going to get her hopes up. And then those hopes are going to come around and bite her in the ass. Again. And then I, or Courtney, or Mae, whoever's around, will have to hold her hand and tell her it's going to be okay when we all know it's not. And I can't speak for the others, but I, for one, am becoming very, very tired of watching my friend cry."  
  
Duke stiffened. "I'm really sorry. But she knows how I feel."  
  
"No, Conrad! She doesn't! That's just the point! YOU know how SHE feels, because she doesn't have it in her to be subtle about things like this. But she has no idea how you feel, because you've totally shut her out! All she has are the straws you occasionally throw at her to grasp at!"  
  
Duke felt his neck hairs raise. "Listen, Corporal, I don't -"  
  
"Don't you dare! Don't you DARE try to weasel out of this by pulling rank! That's cheap, and you're NOT going to hide behind it!" Jaye regarded him sadly. "You know I love you, Conrad. You're one of the best friends I've ever had. And I know you're better than this. You don't love her. Or you do, but you don't want to endanger your career."  
  
"Or hers," Duke said softly.  
  
"Or hers. But you have to have this conversation with her. Either way, yeah, it'll be hard for her, and it'll probably hurt her. And either way, the two of you might not be able to work together anymore. That would be awful.  
  
"But this is killing her."  
  
After a few moments, Conrad quietly asked, "What am I supposed to say?"  
  
"Do you love her?"  
  
After a long pause, he answered "Yes."  
  
Alison smiled. "I'd probably start with that."  
  
Conrad rubbed his eyes, then blinked furiously when he realized that his fingers had salt and grease from the potato chips all over them.  
  
"Look. I know intellectually this is a monumentally bad idea. But you deserve to be happy, too, you know."  
  
Conrad got up and embraced her. "Thanks, Alison."  
  
"You're welcome. Jerk."  
  
"You're right. I know you're right. I'll talk to her, I promise. But don't say anything to her yet, okay? I'm not really sure how I'm gonna do this." He crossed the office, moving to the door to let her out. "I need to think about -" He opened the door, to find fifteen Joes who had been pressed up against it falling into his office.  
  
After a second or two to process this, Duke exploded. "What the hemoraging FUCK are you people doing?" There was a mad scramble on everybody's part to get the hell out of Duke's way. "Christ almighty, if you've all got that little to do, there are all kinds of things I could - Stalker? The hell are you doing here? I expect this crap from enough of these people!" He kept shouting long after everyone had run out of sight. "Ace, you better hope that isn't money in your hand! You ALL better hope I don't see any of you the rest of the day!" He closed the door and looked forlornly at Alison.  
  
"Well, at least the whole base is gonna know," said Allie. "Does that help?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Don't worry. No one's going to say anything to Hawk."  
  
"What makes you so sure?" He thought about it. "Oh. Right."  
  
*****  
  
Allie poked her head in the apartment. "Hey, your door's open."  
  
"Shhhhh. C'mon in." Mae waved her in. "Shana wore herself out. She's sleeping in Courtney's room."  
  
Allie went to the bedroom door and opened it slightly. Sure enough, there was Shana, flayed on the bed, snoring softly, clutching her bear, and looking for all the world like she was seven years old.  
  
"How's she doing?" She asked when she got back to the common room.  
  
"I think she'll be all right. It was bad, though."  
  
"It's been building and building for a while now." She noticed Shana's untouched glass. "Did she drink anything?"  
  
Mae shook her head no. "She didn't want any. It was probably a good thing, too; she got herself so worked up that she got pretty sick."  
  
Allie took the glass. "In that case, she won't mind if I have this." She knocked it back in one gulp. "Jesus, my heart's going a mile a minute."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I either made things a lot better or much, much worse." She poured herself another glass. "I talked to Duke."  
  
"Really? How did that go?"  
  
"Surprisingly well."  
  
At that moment there was a chirp from the phone. Mae hit the speaker button. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey kiddo!" came Courtney's voice from the speaker. "Miss me yet?"  
  
"Always. I haven't seen you in almost five hours."  
  
"Aren't you cute. Hey, Allie's not there with you, is she?"  
  
"I'm here," Allie said.  
  
"Lady Jaye, you are my new personal hero."  
  
"Oh, it wasn't that big a deal."  
  
"That's not what Steeler said. Mae, this woman in front of you got in Top's face and shouted him down until he crumbled."  
  
Mae was impressed. That was an approach that would never have occurred to her. Of course, she always tended to overthink things, and the ideas she'd been having all tended to involve huge Wile E. Coyote style blueprints. She began to wonder when she turned into such a dork.  
  
Cover Girl was still talking. "So what's the next step? No way is it going to be this easy, and why the hell does EVERYTHING happen when I'm not in the room? Save something for - goddammit, Clutch, get the hell away from the window!"  
  
"Huh?" asked Mae.  
  
"Oh, I'm just taking my IV for a walk, get my legs moving, and Dipshit over here is trying to get a look at my ass in the back of my hospital johnny."  
  
"You sound better."  
  
"I feel better. Doc says two, maybe three days, and I can get out of here. I'm off active duty for a month, though. Motor pool'll go to hell way before - was that a flashbulb? Dammit, Steinberg, that's it! When I get out of here, I'm gonna make you beg for death! I'm gonna drink beer out of your skull! That's right, you better run!!!"  
  
Allie smirked. "She's feeling lots better." She sipped at her drink. "Are you having any?"  
  
"No. I don't really do alcohol very well. Look at me; I'm a gnome. One drink is usually more than enough to set me off."  
  
"I'll have some!" Courtney chimed in.  
  
"You can't have any. It'll interfere with your painkillers."  
  
A pronounced raspberry was heard. "So what did Duke say?"  
  
"Steeler didn't say?" Allie asked.  
  
"I wanna hear it from you."  
  
"He said he loves her."  
  
"I knew it!" Courtney shouted triumphantly.   
  
Mae squealed and did a happyclap. "She'll be so happy!"  
  
"Well, hold off. He made me promise not to say anything to her."  
  
"Got it." She finished off Courtney's Toblerone. "You've been pretty busy."  
  
"Not really. It was a ten minute conversation, tops. The hard part's going to be making sure he actually does it."  
  
"Nothing better happen before I get out of here!" demanded Courtney. "I am NOT missing anything else!"  
  
"if this gets resolved in the next forty-eight hours," said Allie, "I'd be very surprised." 


	7. Part Seven

Newbie - Part 7  
  
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.  
  
I've gotten a lot of feedback; thanks, everyone. If you see something I could be doing better, please, let me know. This is my first fic, and I want to keep doing better.  
  
Sorry about the long wait between chapters; life's been keeping me pretty busy lately.  
  
*****  
  
Despite Shana's assurances, Mae had really doubted whether putting marinara sauce inside an omelet would be even remotely digestible. But damned if it wasn't actually pretty good. The coffee was a hair stronger than she usually liked it, and there were far too many college kids in the restaurant for her taste, but on the whole she liked this place.  
  
"Did I tell you?" asked Shana.  
  
"You told me," replied Mae, mouth full of sausage and egg. "This really shouldn't work."  
  
"And yet it does." Shana took a sip of her coffee. "How'd you wind up getting two days off in a row, anyway?"  
  
"No idea. They get me up at 0400 tomorrow, though. With my reassignment, I get to split my day between getting my ass kicked by Snake Eyes and my ass kicked by Beach Head."  
  
"Fun fun."  
  
"Right. Even the sun has more sense than to be up that early, but I have to find time to get my archery drills in. So I dunno if it was a mistake, or if Duke or Flint or whoever is taking pity on me, or what, but I intend to enjoy my off-time as much as I can." She shoveled some more food into her mouth.  
  
"Sounds like a plan." Shana pushed her homefries around on her plate with her fork. "Look, Mae, I want to apologize again -"  
  
Somewhere through her omelette, Mae mumbled "Cut it out." She held up her hand in a "hold on a second" gesture as she swallowed her breakfast. "It happens to everyone. Believe me, I've spent many a night that way myself. Chances are excellent I'll have plenty more of them. But I honestly didn't mind. I like you, Shana. I don't know him well, but Duke seems really great and I'm pulling for you. Please don't be embarrassed; when the time comes that I'm going through something similar, you'll be the first person I run to."  
  
"So you're not seeing anyone right now?" Shana asked.  
  
"Are you kidding? Right now, I'd settle for Courtney's flashlight."  
  
Shana grinned in the most evil manner she could. "I assume you don't mean her actual flashlight."  
  
Mae laughed and tried to keep coffee from coming out her nose. "No, I have this thing where I tend not to like someone until I've known them for a while, you know? And by then..." she shrugged.  
  
"By then you're friends and it's too late."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Shana ate a forkful of homefries. "You know what's good?"  
  
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women?" Mae ventured.  
  
"Well, sure, that's always fun." said Shana, obviously not getting the reference. "I was actually going to suggest the pie I was talking about last night."  
  
"I'd love to, but I think I'm gonna bust as it is." Despite this statement, Mae kept eating. She noticed that Shana was fidgety, playing with her breakfast more than she was eating it. "What's up?"  
  
"What's up with what?" Shana asked.  
  
"You. You're all squirrelly."  
  
Shana realized she was tapping the plate with her fork and stopped. "Sorry. I haven't been back to work in a few days. I get kinda antsy."  
  
"Well, we could always find you something to fill your time. Are you still thinking of going to Georgia?"  
  
"I dunno. My dad's not even going to be there. He's back in Ireland visiting his cousin. I was really only saying I was going to get a rise out of Duke."  
  
"That reminds me," said Mae. "Allie asked me to give you something."  
  
"What?"  
  
Mae rolled up her menu and gave Shana a sharp THWAK on the top of her head. "That."  
  
Shana groaned and put her head on the table. "I know, I know."  
  
"Consider yourself chastened. Damn, meting out justice is hungry work. Maybe I'll have some of that pie after all."  
  
*****  
  
Duke sat at his desk, drumming his fingers. He was all caught up on his paperwork. His morning meeting was actually over on time. It being Sunday morning, there was relatively little going on around the base for him to be supervising. Duke had nothing to do.  
  
He picked up the phone and started pushing buttons, trying to see if he could get the tones to play "Swanee River." He hung up quickly when someone sleepily answered, "Hello?"  
  
He needed something to distract him. Immediately.  
  
Looking out the window towards the motor pool, he watched as Gung Ho grabbed Steeler by the wrists, swung him around as fast as he could, then let go as Steeler sailed through the air for about eight feet or so. Much cheering ensued. After that, it was Thunder's turn to throw Short Fuze. Duke was so desperate for something to occupy his brain that he actually found himself watching this contest for a good twenty minutes.  
  
Scarlett and Cricket walked through the pool; they each carried a plastic shopping bag or two. Their eyes went wide as they realized what they were walking into.  
  
Moments later, Cricket was sailing through the air, screaming "Wait! No! I'm full of pie!"  
  
Someone was out with a mop and a bucket of sawdust shortly after.  
  
*****  
  
A very uneasy-looking Cricket knocked on Duke's office door. "Are you doing anything?"  
  
Duke looked at his desk, empty save for a TV Guide. "Just the crossword. Come on in." As she sat, he asked her, "I need a three-letter word. 'Blank' A-Team."  
  
"I find it very difficult to believe that on this whole base you have that little to do."  
  
"Once we send Cobra packing, they don't usually make any noise for a while. Enjoy the quiet." He looked at the crossword again, felt it insulting his intelligence deeply, and put it aside. "Can I help you with something? This isn't about the thing in the motor -"  
  
"Oh, no. I can handle that myself. Although I'm not sure if I'm more upset because I ralphed everything I've ever eaten since the age of five in front of a fairly sizable audience, or that the other guys were saying Clutch's score didn't count because I'm so small."  
  
"You have to admit, you're almost comically tiny."  
  
"I'm petite, hot dammit." She looked through her plastic bag. "I came in here because I wanted to show you something. We went into - where's that damned catalogue? - we went into some store that sold lots of fancy faux-antique looking stuff." She began to root around in the overstuffed bag a little harder. "An 'All Thnings Pretentious' kinda thing. And we - Saint Anthony, help me find this fucker -"  
  
Duke smiled.  
  
"- We were mostly in there to goof around, because there was no way that either of us were gonna be able to actually buy anything, right?" She suddenly stopped, remembered her blasphemy, and looked heavenward. "Sorry," she said.  
  
"Sorry for what?" Duke asked.  
  
"Not you." She rooted through the bag some more, and finally found what she was looking for. "Here," Cricket said, opening the booklet and handing it to Duke. "Shana wants one of these."  
  
Duke looked at the catalog, puzzled. "She wants an 'Anglo-Saxon Kings of Britain' chess set?"  
  
"No, although if you were hell-bent on buying it for someone, I'd take it off your hands. No, I'm talking about what's underneath it."  
  
*****  
  
Mae lay sprawled out on the chair, clutching her stomach, jeans partially unbuttoned, letting the Pepto do its work. She had eaten half again her body weight that morning, which was not terribly unusual, except that she hadn't expected anyone to pick her up, spin her around, and fling her.  
  
Courtney's eyes fluttered in her direction. "Hey, kiddo."  
  
"Hey, yourself. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Not bad." Courtney rubbed some of the sleep out of her eyes.  
  
"Doc says you can probably get outta here tomorrow morning."  
  
"Whee." Courtney opened her eyes fully and looked at Mae. "You all right? You're going pretty green."  
  
Mae related the story of that morning's adventures in the motor pool.  
  
"Hmmm. That explains Shana sailing across my window about an hour ago."  
  
"So what are you gonna do with your time off? Given it any thought?"  
  
Courtney shrugged. "I dunno. I'll probably just knock around here. There's not really anywhere else for me to go."  
  
"No family?" Mae asked.  
  
"Not really. I haven't been back to Peoria, except maybe once or twice, since I started modeling."  
  
Mae could see that this was a subject Courtney wanted dropped. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."  
  
"Every family's messed up in its own special way." She reached for her juice and slurped away. "So you're gonna get back at the Gang at Cheers in the motor pool, right?"  
  
"You think this calls for vengeance?"  
  
"Stop talking like that. Certainly. You need to give as good as you got, and do it as publicly as you can."  
  
"You're a very bitter person, you know that?"  
  
"I'm just telling you what's what."  
  
"I'm just messing with you. Fuckin' A, I'm gonna be getting back at the motor pool guys." Mae looked at Courtney's breakfast tray, which was largely untouched. "I'm stealing this," she said, helping herself to Courtney's Jell-O.  
  
*****  
  
At 0214 hours the following morning, someone crept their way around the men's barracks, razor in hand.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket leapt backwards, bringing her right foot up simultaneously, narrowly avoiding Snake Eyes' lunge as he avoided hers.  
  
"Come on," he signed, with Flash acting as interpreter. "I'm giving you all kinds of room to get at me. Just hit me."  
  
"I'm trying," she grunted. She was distracted enough that she almost didn't see his foot swinging towards her lower back.  
  
"No, you're not. If you were trying you'd have connected at least half a dozen times by now. Come on. You can't hit me and avoid me at the same time."  
  
Cricket took a breath. Before he could exhale, Snake Eyes laid her flat on her ass. She coughed a little; she'd had the wind knocked out of her.  
  
Snake Eyes waited for her to get up. "There. That's what you were so afraid of. You managed to survive it. Nobody goes home until you do the same thing to me."  
  
Cricket rolled across the floor, dodging Snake's feet and gutpuching him as she came upwards. He didn't fall. Instead, he gave a small cough, and signed, "Better. Now do it again. And this time, take -"  
  
The door swung open. Clutch, wearing a sweatshirt with the hood over his head, entered. Snake Eyes signed furiously at him. "I'll just be a minute, Snake." He turned to face Cricket. "You think you're really funny, don't you?"  
  
"I think I have my moments. Are you referring to something in particular?"  
  
Clutch took off his hood. The entire left side of his head had been completely shaved of all hair; eyebrows, beard and all.  
  
Flash just about pissed himself laughing. Snake Eyes turned away.  
  
Cricket asked innocently, "Trying something new?"  
  
"Oh, all right. You know what? This is war. Watch your back."  
  
As Clutch turned to leave, Flash exclaimed, with barely concealed glee, "Prankwar!" He turned to Cricket and said, "You have absolutely no idea what you've just brought down on yourself."  
  
"How'd he even know it was me?" Cricket asked.  
  
"Being able to do things to Clutch without waking him up is not exactly difficult," said Flash. "The man could sleep while being shot out of a cannon. The ten or twelve other people in the room with him, on the other hand, had no trouble waking up while someone whistled the Anvil Chorus incessantly as they shaved someone's head."  
  
Snake signed, "What the hell is going on?"  
  
Cricket, who had not totally thought the night before through at all, said weakly, "He, um, threw me." Snake stared at her. "And, um, made me throw up."  
  
Snake considered this, then signed to Flash, "I see this ending in fire." 


	8. Part Eight

Newbie - Part 8  
  
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.  
  
I've gotten a lot of feedback; thanks, everyone. If you see something I could be doing better, please, let me know. This is my first fic, and I want to keep doing better.  
  
Wow... sorry about the extra-super-economy-sized long wait between chapters; the real world has been kicking my ass pretty hard recently. Thanks for your patience. This is actually a lot shorter than I wanted, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.  
  
*****  
  
"What in the name of God has taken so damned long?"  
  
Shana grunted and decided not to let Mae's decidedly unfriendly demeanor spoil her enjoyment of the situation. She realized that it was very, very early, and Mae had probably only just woken up. The fact that Mae was bound to the wall, upside down, with at least four rolls of duct tape, was probably also contributing to her mood. Instead, as evenly as she could, Shana said, "Well, I'm sorry. I came as soon as I heard your frantic hysterical shrieking."  
  
"Yes, but then you left again!"  
  
Allie, who was standing on the other side of the room, explained, "Well, she had to come get me."  
  
"Well, I didn't think you'd want to miss this." Shana remembered something. "Oh, wait. You were on duty late last night. Should I have let you sleep in?"  
  
"No, you were right. I can catch a nap later."  
  
Mae wriggled and flailed about. Or rather, Mae attempted to wriggle and flail about. Whoever had taped her to the wall had excellent training in such things. The most she was really able to do was wiggle her fingers and feet around. Even her forehead was held in place. The inability to fidget would, she knew, drive her mad in short order.  
  
Allie looked her over. "Wow, Mae. Your face is so pink right now."  
  
"I'm upside down! I'm stuck to the wall!"  
  
"You know who I wish was here?" Allie asked.  
  
"Courtney?" Shana ventured.  
  
"She really does enjoy this sort of thing."  
  
"She'll be so upset that she missed this."  
  
"Lemme down!"  
  
"We should at least take a picture."  
  
"No you shouldn't! Let me down!"  
  
"I don't think that'll be necessary. I'm sure Clutch already took one."  
  
"What?!? Guys, seriously, c'mon! I'm on duty in, like, twenty minutes!"  
  
"It occurs to me," opined Allie, "that she hasn't said the magic word yet."  
  
Mae took a deep breath and tried very hard not to cry. "Please, you guys?"  
  
"That's much better, but I was actually thinking of a different magic word."  
  
"Allie, be nice."  
  
"Here's a hint: it's in Farsi."  
  
Mae turned her attention to Shana. "Shana, please, please, PLEASE, get me down from here before my head explodes."  
  
Shana laughed. "All right, hang on. Courtney usually has a Bowie knife in her quarters. I'll be right back." As she turned and left, Allie sat on Mae's bed.  
  
"So. Got ourselves a bit of a prankwar going on, do we?"  
  
The blood had been rushing to Mae's head for about an hour by this point, and she could barely muster the brainpower to respond, "Kinda."  
  
"Boy, are you in over your head."  
  
If Mae could have moved at all, she would have shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not quitting yet. I can top this."  
  
"No, you can't. And even if you can, you couldn't possibly top what comes after this. This is the motor pool you're messing with." Allie leaned forward, and Mae would have sworn that she actually saw shadows dart across her face forebodingly. "The MOTOR POOL. This is only the first step. I've seen it go all the way up to Step Eight."  
  
Shana re-entered, big-ass knife in hand. "I found it," she said. She climbed on Mae's bed, found her balance, and started cutting through the tape carefully. "She's gotta stop moving her stuff around so much. Makes it impossible to borrow things without permission."  
  
Allie stood on the bed as well, ready to help lower Mae down. "So, do you have any advice for our friend here?"  
  
"About Clutch?" Shana asked. Turning to Mae, she said, "Stop. Stop now. He will grind you into sand before this is over. If you give up now, no one needs to cry."  
  
"Hang on," said Allie. "We haven't started pulling duct tape off of her yet."  
  
*****  
  
"Beach!" Mutt came running up to the ranger, Junkyard close behind. "You done with Cricket yet?"  
  
Beach Head, who at that moment was standing on Cricket's back as she struggled through her push-ups, sighed heavily. "God, I hope so. I got - did I tell you you could slow down?"  
  
Cricket spit some mud out of her mouth. "No, sergeant." She resumed her earlier pace, praying for death as she did so.  
  
"Duke needs her as soon as you're through," said Mutt.  
  
"All right. Hey, Princess? Your shit packed yet?"  
  
Cricket didn't break her rhythm. "No, sergeant."  
  
Beach Head huffed. "Maybe tomorrow, then." He stepped down. "Your CO's looking for you. We'll do this again tomorrow. See if we can't get through it without you getting a note from your momma next time." He turned and left.  
  
Cricket stood up, wiping mud from her face. "Duke say what it was about?"  
  
Mutt shrugged. "No. Didn't sound pissed or anything, though."  
  
Cricket crouched down and scratched Junkyard's ear, who didn't complain at all.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket touched her hand to her forehead. It was till sore as hell from where the duct tape had been ripped off, and she was fairly sure that it was still bright red. She'd racked her brain all day for something that would reduce Clutch to a quivering, broken shell of a man. The best she'd managed to come up with so far was tying his bootlaces together, and watching hilarity ensue.  
  
Sometimes she was so lame she couldn't stand herself.  
  
Duke let himself into his office. Without a word, he lowered himself into his chair and looked evenly at Cricket, trying not to laugh out loud at this tiny person covered in mud and tape burns.  
  
"So. Cricket."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I understand we've had an interesting couple of days."  
  
"I guess you could say that."  
  
"Listen," Duke said, leaning in close, "I just have a couple of things I want to say. I'm not going to order you not to retaliate."  
  
"You're not?"  
  
No. But I will advise you not to. Two reasons. Maybe you can top being sealed to the bedroom wall. Maybe you can't. I honestly don't know. But I don't want to see this ending with one of you naked and hysterical in the mess hall at chow time. Clutch has very little in the way of shame and will probably die before he cries uncle. He has the resources of the motor pool at his disposal. You have, among others, Scarlett, whose idea of the greatest practial joke of all time involves sending a lot of pizzas to someone's house. And second, believe me when I say that you really, really, really don't want Hawk to end this for you. He's got a lot of Pentagon bullshit on his plate right now and he's really not going to be in the mood to deal with either of you."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
"You're going to ignore me, though, right?"  
  
"Probably."  
  
*****  
  
Meanwhile, Clutch was beating the rush and going ahead with Step Two.  
  
*****  
  
Mae rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock. It was almost six p.m., and she had been running around for fourteen hours. It had been a long day, but not an altogether bad one; she had finally managed to toss Snake-Eyes in a manner that didn't completely disgust him, which she supposed was progress. Then she had her playdate with Beach Head, and while it was as horrible as it had ever been, she did manage to flip him off without his seeing, which at this point she claimed as a minor victory. She would have loved nothing more than to go to bed, but she had promised Doc that she would be by at seven to get Courtney ready to be discharged and to get her up to the apartment. She was killing some time going through her e-mail, and was pleasantly surprised to see a message from her brother.  
  
From: mcdoog@livecom.net  
  
To: macdougalmc@gij.delta.army.mil  
  
Subject: re:new email addy  
  
Hey you,  
  
Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you; Liz and I were out of town for a couple of days. Thanks for sending along your new address; we haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks. Settling in okay?  
  
Please don't feel bad about missing Dad's Mass. You've made it to the last ten; I'm sure he understands that you can't get away. We'll miss you, but we totally understand. Seriously, don't worry about it.  
  
If you're sure she isn't going to be seeing her family while she's ill, then sure, you can bring Courtney by next time you get some time off. (And if you're sure she's who you say she is, I may need to buy you something big and shiny.) We have plenty of room. You may have to sleep in the bathtub, though.  
  
Speaking of room, you may need to hurry back here if you want to keep yours. Liz is trying to get me to turn that shrine to Jack Kirby and Syd Barrett you call a bedroom into an office. I'm running out of reasons to say no, especially if you're going to keep re-upping. I've played the little sister card out, though. I can have some of your stuff shipped out to you if you want. Think about it.  
  
Why do you keep bringing the damned web-cam site up? The way you go on about it, you'd think it was this huge thing your life. You had it for two weeks. It failed partly because you get bored so easily, and partly because no one in their right mind wanted to watch you pick your nose and play Zork till two in the morning. Life goes on. Deal.  
  
Freak. :)  
  
Let me know how things are going. I have another conference next week, but Liz would love to hear from you. Besides, Billy wants to know when Aunt Mae's going to finish building that rocket with him. He won't let anyone else touch it.  
  
Take care of yourself, sis.  
  
Love,  
  
Jack  
  
*****  
  
Mae made a mental note to go to the chapel that Sunday. Despite Jack's assurances, she felt terrible that she was going to miss her father's Mass that year.  
  
Now thouroughly depressed, she clicked on the next message from a "steinbergl@gij.delta.army.mil". She didn't recognize the name right away, but noticed that it had been sent to what appeared to be everyone on base and assumed that it was probably a memo of some sort. She was surprised when a window opened, uploading a video file. She went to grab something to drink while she waited for it to be ready.  
  
Coming back to the computer screen, she saw that the video had already started. It was very low quality, looking to be captured from an old camcorder VHS tape. It was a recording in what looked like an elementary school auditorium. There were two young children, a boy and a girl, on the stage. The girl was dressed in a blue checkered dress, holding a stuffed dog, and the boy was wearing shorts with a button-down shirt. Turning the sound up, Mae heard the boy refer to the girl as "Dorothy", and she felt the bottom fall out of her stomach.  
  
Oh, no.  
  
No, no, no.  
  
How in the world...  
  
Another girl stepped out on stage. Dressed in a ridiculous green suit, she was considerably smaller than the other two, and had long, stringy brown hair. It was fairly obvious who this little girl was, made even more so by the caption "CRICKET: AGE 9", which someone had helpfully superimposed over the video.  
  
As the 9-year-old Mae hollered, in her loudest, most strident big-girl voice, "I'm the mayor of Munchkin Land!" as Miss Carnahan had instructed her to nine years before, the eighteen-year-old version sat, mouth agape, completely dumbfounded, unsure whether to crumble immediately into ash, or to wreak terrible vengeance upon any who might have seen this.  
  
This had been sent to the entire base...  
  
*****  
  
Allie opened her door, afraid that the pounding it was currently taking would take it off the hinges.  
  
Mae stood there, face flushed, body trembling, about as angry as Allie had ever seen anybody. Allie, unfortunately, had already seen the video, and almost managed to suppress a laugh.  
  
"Is 'L. Steinberg' Clutch?" Mae asked her.  
  
"Maybe you should come in and sit dow-"  
  
"IS. STEINBERG. CLUTCH?"  
  
Allie sighed. "Yes. Before you-"  
  
Mae was already down the stairs.  
  
***  
  
"You gonna be much longer?" Thunder asked. "Card game starts in twenty. Zooks just got some cash from home and I *know* he's got a walletful he's dyin' to give me tonight." He was looking at the Polaroid on Clutch's workbench that he swore was Cover Girl's ass.  
  
"Start without me." Clutch rolled out from underneath the VAMP and looked in his toolbox for the wrench he needed, the lights from the motor pool reflecting off his newly-shaved head. "I got kind of a late start today and I promised I'd have this finished before I turned in. I'll probably cash in about 2000 hours."  
  
"What were you up to?" He was still looking at the Polaroid. "You know, this is pretty fuzzy. I'm not sure this is even a person."  
  
"Of course it's a person." Clutch rubbed his head and grinned. "Look, just check your e-mail later." He found what he was looking for, but didn't roll under the jeep right away. Instead, he looked up at Thunder and smiled. "Just something I needed to take care of."  
  
Thunder asked, "Oh, is this about the newbie?"  
  
"You better believe it. I'm not sure what her problem was, but she's gonna learn pretty damned quick that you don't start a prankwar with a Jersey boy unless you're ready to deal with the fallout. I just wish I could see the look-"  
  
Later, when he was in Duke's office giving his account of what happened, Thunder would swear on his mother that he had seen Cricket actually flying through the air, speaking in tongues, as she set about her business of punching Clutch in the face, forcefully and repeatedly.  
  
*****  
  
Mae heard Duke come storming into the infirmary. "Where are they?" he demanded.  
  
Edwin, the medic on duty, stammered, "Well, um, Clutch is in the b-back having his nose set, and Cricket's behind that c-curtain over there."  
  
Mae had been taken to the infirmary after Roadblock pulled her off of Clutch; she had bruised her knuckles pretty badly. She felt awful; she had snapped, and had no idea why she reacted as badly as she had. She was upset about her father's Mass, but even so, she-  
  
She was jolted out of her reverie by the sight of Duke glaring at her. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Mae stared at her feet.  
  
"Look at me, Corporal."  
  
It took a huge effort, but she allowed her eyes to meet his. The last time she had seen anyone that angry was when Jack had had to pick her up at the Broadway police station for pretty much this exact same thing. She felt just as badly now.  
  
"Tell me what happened."  
  
After swallowing hard, Mae mumbled, "I just had a difference of opinion with Clutch, Duke."  
  
Duke looked at her for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally he said, "Don't go anywhere." He turned and left.  
  
She could hear Duke talking in the next station. "You want to tell me what happened?"  
  
Clutch replied, "Top, you're making a big deal out of nothing."  
  
"Does this have anything to do with an e-mail everyone on the base received? Check that; everyone on the base except for Hawk, because I know you're not a complete blithering idiot. Despite rumors to the contrary."  
  
"Duke, that was a joke."  
  
"Where did you get it?" There was a pause. "If I so much as suspect that you might have even thought about breaking into Cricket's personnel files and then misrepesented yourself to the Boston Public School system in any way, shape or form, you're going to be digging latrines without a shovel for the rest of your natural life. Which will be very, very short. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
Pause. "Crystal, Top."  
  
"Good. That also goes for whoever helped you. I know you didn't do all that by yourself. Take tomorrow off. You're dismissed."  
  
Duke returned to Mae's station. "Do you have anything you want to say to me?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Duke. I know you're disappointed-"  
  
"I'm not your father, Cricket. I'm your C.O. I'm not disappointed in you. I'm PISSED. You have absolutely no idea how lucky you are that I don't have you arrested on the spot for aggravated assault." His tone became slightly softer, but no less formal. "But I swear to God, the next time you step so much as a toe out of line you'll be drummed out of here before that toe even touches the ground. Do you understand me?"  
  
"Yes, Duke."  
  
"This thing with Clutch ends tonight."  
  
"Yes, Duke."  
  
Duke looked at her. She looked more like a kid than ever. G.I. Joe was a top-secret unit; Every potential recruit had a file on them thicker than the phone book. Additionaly, all communications, in and out, go through security channels. He knew full well that she was likely far more upset about missing the memorial Mass for the father she'd lost when she was seven years old than any asinine stunt Clutch had pulled. As such, he was willing to look at extenuating circumstances. It was going to take every ounce of strength he had to keep Hawk out of it, though.  
  
"All right. Go get Cover Girl. Take care of her. You're taking tomorrow off, too. Cool down."  
  
Mae nodded, her head hung low.  
  
"And I mean it; if I see so much as a "Kick Me" sign on Clutch's back, you're looking at a court martial. You're dismissed."  
  
Mae stood up, accidentally hoisting her self with her bandaged hand. She winced slightly. She looked at Duke. He was still very, very angry, but there was concern there, as well.  
  
"Mary?" he said, softly. "You know... Doc is a chaplain. I mean, he could probably help you with... some things you might need help with. If you wanted."  
  
Mae smiled at Duke sadly. "Thanks." 


	9. Part Nine

Newbie - Part 9  
  
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.  
  
I've gotten a lot of feedback; thanks, everyone. If you see something I could be doing better, please, let me know. This is my first fic, and I want to keep doing better.  
  
*****  
  
Doc removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He'd been on call for almost forty hours, and he was beginning to read the same paragraph of his newspaper over and over again.  
  
Edwin poked his head into Doc's office, knocking lightly on his doorframe. "Doc? Are you available?"  
  
"You know what pisses me off?" Doc suddenly asked, out of nowhere.  
  
"Um... no. Is now a bad-"  
  
"The Jumble. You got your four words that need to be unscrambled. Now, three of them could be unscrambled by a mildly brain-damaged cat. But then you have your fourth word designed solely to drive you up the wall. Just when you think that they left a letter out, someone walks by, looks over your shoulder, and pulls the word out of his hat."  
  
"Uh, okay. Can you see-"  
  
"Then you spend about an hour figuring out what the answer to the riddle is, based on where the letters fall in the other four words. And it always turns out to be this lame pun that just makes you wanna cancel your newspaper."  
  
Edwin came over to Doc's desk, saying, "Look, I know you have a lot on your-" Looking down at the newspaper, he suddenly said, "Agile."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The third word. It's 'agile'."  
  
Doc was quiet for a minute, then said, "You're looking at the paper upside down. You automatically get an easier time of it. Look, it's practically unscrambled when you look at it upside down."  
  
"That's just what I Was going to say, sir. Do you have a minute to talk to Cricket MacDougal?"  
  
"Yeah." Doc rolled up the newspaper and tossed it aside in disgust. "And knock that 'sir' crap off."  
  
"Yes, sir." Edwin went to the door, saying, "Go on in," to whoever was on the other side of it.  
  
Cricket stepped through the doorway, smiling. "Hi, Doc. Is it a bad time?"  
  
"Not really. I was just trying to slog though the Jumble."  
  
"Oh, I love the Jumble!"  
  
Doc muttered something under his breath. "Have a seat. How's Cover Girl doing?"  
  
Sitting down in a slightly uncomfortable desk chair on the other side of Doc's desk, Cricket replied, "I guess she's doing as well as can be expected. She's hurting pretty bad, but she's trying not to complain too much."  
  
"That doesn't sound like any Cover Girl I know. Are you sure you took the right one home?"  
  
"Pretty sure. I mean, she gripes and complains about being bored or her back being stiff, but it's easy to see she's in a lot more pain than she wants to say."  
  
"Well, seeing as how a Skystriker fell on her, it's understandable she'd be having some discomfort. Do me a favor; keep an eye on her and let me know how how she's coming along. She won't come to me and tell me she's not 100%; she'd go back behind the wheel tomorrow if I'd let her."  
  
"Sure. I can do that."  
  
"Thank you." Doc reached into a drawer and started rummaging around. As he did so, he said, "So. Enough about Courtney. How are you doing?"  
  
Cricket shrugged. "I'm all right."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
Doc found what he was looking for. He took a file folder, about an inch and a half thick, out of his drawer and put it on his desk. "I'm not supposed to be showing this to you. Do you know what it is?"  
  
"A phone book?"  
  
"This is your background file."  
  
Cricket boggled. "Seriously?"  
  
"Seriously."  
  
"Wow. That's pretty thick."  
  
"We like to be thourough. Try not to be too weirded out."  
  
Cricket thought for a moment, then said, "You know, I feel like I should be, but I'm really not. Can I ask who compiled it?"  
  
"You can ask, but I won't answer. Besides, you're smart enough to have a pretty good idea."  
  
"Hmm. So... it's all in there?"  
  
"Mmm hmm." Doc smiled. "Care to test me?"  
  
"Sure. Whaddya got?"  
  
Doc opened the file to a random page. "Here we go. Not quite four years ago. You were trying out for the Olympic archery team."  
  
"That's right," Cricket said, crossing her arms. "I didn't make the team."  
  
"No, you didn't. You came pretty close, though. You were in third or fourth place all throughout the finals. Then on the last day of finals your hand cramped and you came in eighth."  
  
"Okay. Sorry if I don't sound blown away, but all of that was in the paper."  
  
"The paper doesn't say why your hand cramped. Seems you were so excited that you couldn't sleep the night before."  
  
Cricket was stunned. "How did you -"  
  
"You decided to make yourself sleepy. You made yourself sleepy six or seven times that night. I just want to suggest that in the future, Tylenol PM also works pretty well. Or at the very least, you might want to use the hand you don't use to draw your bow."  
  
Cricket gave an embarrassed grin.  
  
"Don't feel bad. Someday when Cover Girl's pissed me off enough - and believe me when I say that day is not far off - I'll tell you some stories about all the garbage I've had to fish out of her. Now, you didn't come here just so I could embarrass you."  
  
"I didn't?"  
  
"No, but I have to admit, that's a definite perk of my job. But why I - oh, before I forget. You said that you need some more Senokot?"  
  
"Um, yeah. Things are starting to get very uncomfortable."  
  
"Remind me to give you three days' worth when we're done. If you haven't had any relief after that I'll want to run some tests." He turned his attention back to the file. "Anyway, the reason I got into this is because Duke mentioned that you might want to talk."  
  
"Yeah, he suggested the same thing to me."  
  
There was a pause as each of them waited for the other to speak first.  
  
"So," said Doc, finally, "do you want to tell me what happened?"  
  
Cricket shrugged again. "You know what happened. Clutch pulled one over on me and I kinda overreacted."  
  
"You think you 'kinda overreacted'?"  
  
"No," replied Cricket, slightly annoyed, "I totally overreacted. I apologized to Duke, I apologized to Clutch."  
  
"What made you react that way?"  
  
"I dunno. I was embarrassed. I knew people would be singing 'The Lollipop Guild' at me for days."  
  
"Have they?"  
  
"You know they have. You did yourself, just this morning."  
  
"It's a catchy song. What were you doing before you saw Clutch's e-mail?"  
  
"I was waiting to get Courtney. Checking my messages. I might have been eating."  
  
Doc pulled a piece of paper out of the back of Cricket's folder. "What's this?"  
  
Looking at it, Cricket said, "This is the e-mail Jack sent me that afternoon."  
  
"Jack. That's your brother, John, right?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"How old is he?"  
  
"He's thirty... no, wait. He's thirty-one, now."  
  
"Really? Quite an age difference." Doc looked at the file some more. "Now, you two - you know Cricket, that candy dish is there for a reason. Stop staring at it and take one."  
  
"Thanks." She did, finding a butterscotch. "I didn't think that eleven years was so unusual."  
  
"Bull. It's thirteen years. Relax -" (Cricket had stiffened noticably) "- almost everyone on this base lied about their age to join up. Duke wasn't even fifteen. You're not in trouble." He put down the file folder, no longer pretending that he hadn't already read the entire thing. "How old were you when your mother died?"  
  
Cricket hesitated. "She died giving birth to me."  
  
"What was that like?"  
  
"I didn't know anything else. It never seemed unusual."  
  
"What was her name?"  
  
"Mary. Dad named me after her."  
  
"Do you feel like your family ever held you responsible?"  
  
There was no hesitation."No. They always told me that it was just something that happened."  
  
"Every now and then you refer to your mother in the present tense. When you first got here, you asked Duke not to call you 'Mary' since that was what your mom called you when you were in trouble."  
  
"I'm talking about Liz."  
  
"Your sister-in-law."  
  
"Yeah. She and Jack started dating when I was about six or so, then got married when I was nine. She's always been around, and she filled that role for me early on. I've never considered her anything but my mother."  
  
"And they have a son now?"  
  
Cricket beamed. "Billy. He's four years old, and I swear to God he's gonna have his own TV show someday. Funny, funny kid."  
  
"Okay, and Billy was named after your father, then?"  
  
"That's right. Bill MacDougal."  
  
"Can we talk about him for a minute?"  
  
Cricket went quiet for a minute. "I always remember him as being really tall. I look at pictures, and it looks like he's about the same height as Jackie, maybe five ten, but I always felt like he was a giant, you know? He could carry me around with one arm. And he could drive a car. That impressed the hell out of me. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I used to like to climb underneath our car, and look under the hood, and look at all the pieces interlock and fit together, and I knew that my dad knew how to make everything do what they were supposed to do."  
  
Doc smiled.  
  
"What can I say?" asked Cricket. "I was seven. He was a teacher. I used to get really jealous, 'cause he would get all these other kids every day." She played with the candy wrapper.  
  
Doc watched her for a moment, then asked, "What were you doing when you got Clutch's e-mail?"  
  
Quietly, holding herself together, Mary replied, "I got an e-mail from Jackie. I missed Dad's memorial Mass. It was yesterday."  
  
"How long has it been now?"  
  
"Eleven years." Slowly, she said, "There was a really bad snowstorm. It dumped about three and a half feet of really wet, really heavy snow in thirty-six hours."  
  
"I remember it."  
  
"Jack was away at college, so Dad asked me if I'd help him shovel. I promised him I would. Mostly, I just farted around."  
  
"You were seven."  
  
"Even so."  
  
"My nephew is seven. When I ask him to go shovel some snow with me, I know it means I'm going to shovel snow and he's going to build tunnels and make snow angels."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"It makes him think he's helping. It lets him know I think he's important."  
  
"In my family... on the MacDougal side... there's a history of heart problems."  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
"Dad was shoveling the car and had started clearing the walk. I -" She had to stop.  
  
"Cricket... listen. I know that you know, intellectually, that it wasn't your fault."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Well, you need to start believing it. Look at this." He rummaged through the folder and pulled out a piece of paper. "Recognize this? This is an incident report from when you were in fifth grade. Dean Fagan made fun of your freckles the day of another blizzard and you pummelled the crap out of him. And over here," he went on, pulling something much more official looking out, "is an arrest report. Do you remember this? You were arrested a few weeks beore you joined up. Do you want to tell me why?"  
  
Tears were beginning to pool in Mary's eyes. "Tom Coelho."  
  
"Tom Coelho. Again, he made a stupid, insensitive comment that you killed your entire family, and you almost broke his jaw. Your brother was able to talk to his family and no charges were pressed." He flipped though the file. "I look at this file and do you know what I see? Someone who's just too good to be true, with the exception of about half a dozen incidents like this. You've made the best out of a very unusual situation. You were raised by your brother and sister-in-law. Your grades are, on the whole, pretty good. You've never smoked anything in your life; you've been drunk exactly one time, didn't like it, and have barely touched alcohol since; you're absurdly friendly, very outgoing, hopelessly incompetent around boys to the point of never having been on a real date -"  
  
"Wait! What about Timmy Sammarco?"  
  
"Despite what you told your friends, that was not a date. Timmy Sammarco works with your brother and he was taking you to see "The Nutcracker" because Liz had to work and Jack would rather eat bees than go to the ballet."  
  
"It was kind of a date."  
  
"You were fourteen. Timmy was twenty-eight and already married. It was certainly not a date. And look at all of this. You can play the accordion, which I'm afraid is bound to become public knowledge around here sooner or later. One extremely fun night aside, you are a world-class, Olympic-caliber archer. Hell, you taught the upstairs neighbor's kid to read, for the love of God. Stop punishing yourself for something you had no control over."  
  
Looking very, very small, Mary said, "But... "  
  
"No buts. Mary Rosen MacDougal died because she was thirty-nine years old, not in great health, and her body just couldn't handle giving birth again. William MacDougal died because he had a heart attack - which was his second, incidentally - due to a genetic, hereditary predisposition to them. You ran into the house and called 911. You did what you were supposed to do. There was nothing else you could have done to prevent it."  
  
"I could've helped."  
  
"You were helping. Seven-year-olds generally don't shovel a lot of snow." Doc took off his glasses and looked straight at Mary. "You didn't kill your parents, Mae. You have to stop hating yourself. You have to accept that you couldn't have done anything. And you DEFINITELY have to stop turning that anger outward, because I really don't want to have to recommend that you be discharged."  
  
Mae, sniffling and snotting, nodded.  
  
"We can talk about this some more next week, if you like."  
  
"I would like that, if it's okay."  
  
"Of course it is."  
  
At that point, Hawk came wheeling into Doc's office, holding a cell phone. Cricket bolted to attention, gathering herself together.  
  
"As you were, Cricket. I only came in here for a minute. Doc, I'm on hold with the Secretary of Defense. I'm gonna need that study we talked about earlier."  
  
"Sure, Hawk. Let me just take care of Cricket first. Again, I'm gonna give you three days' worth. Okay?"  
  
"What's that for?" Hawk asked. "Everything all right?"  
  
"Of course, sir," replied Cricket, more formally than she needed to. "Doc's giving me some Senokot."  
  
"Really? What's that for?"  
  
It was a mixture of her frazzled nerves and her natural terror of General Hawk that made her blurt out "I can't poop, sir."  
  
After a very short pause, Hawk said into the phone he was carrying, "No, Mr. Secretary, that was the new recruit I was just telling you about."  
  
*****  
  
"You know what you could do?" Courtney asked. "You could help me get dressed, then get me downstairs and back to work."  
  
"I could?" Allie asked.  
  
"Definitely. The Wolverine practically drives itself. I could just go tinker for a little while."  
  
"Actually, that does sound good, because I was just thinking how great it would be to wake up tomorrow morning and not have a job."  
  
"Alliiiiiiiiie -" Courtney whined.  
  
"No. Your insides are all gooey. You're not moving. When do you take your medicine?"  
  
"Not for another three hours."  
  
"Well then, watch TV or something. Take your mind off it."  
  
The door to the apartment swung open, and Mae entered. She looked tired, but she usually did lately.  
  
"Hey kiddo," Allie called as Mae went into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. "How'd it go?"  
  
"Well, it was interesting." Mae plopped herself down on the couch next to Courtney and opened her YoJoe. To Courtney, she asked, "How are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm fine. I want to go back to work."  
  
"Okay. Touch your toes."  
  
"What?"  
  
"If you touch your toes, I will personally carry you back to the motor pool."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
Courtney slowly inched forward, extended her hands, and grunted for three solid minutes as she failed to get her fingertips past her kneecaps.  
  
"Courtney, stop," Mae said. "You're gonna hurt yourself again."  
  
Courtney slowly reclined. She was wincing, and tears had formed in her eyes, but she smiled and said, "Definitely tomorrow."  
  
Mae turned to Allie and said, "I can take over for you if you have somewhere to be."  
  
"I don't need a babysitter."  
  
Allie said "A, yes you do. B, I'm not on duty tonight, but Dash is, so I don't really have much going on. And C... well, let's just say 'yes, you do' again."  
  
Mae stretched, groaning as she did so. "I'm sooooo tired. I haven't done my archery drills in three days. I really should, but I don't wanna move."  
  
"You're still off tomorrow, though, right?" Courtney asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Fuck it. Do it then. You'll have all day before Roadblock's thing."  
  
"Sounds good to me," Mae replied, drinking her soda and letting her attention fall to the TV. "Holy God!" she said.  
  
"What?" asked Courtney.  
  
"Your feet are in the way of the TV. They're enormous."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I never noticed before."  
  
"Well, I'm five eleven. They have to be a certain size or I'll keep falling down."  
  
"Yeah, but that's not normal."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with my feet!"  
  
"Did your mom directly handle radium when she was pregnant with you?"  
  
"Yeah? Well... you're... um... short."  
  
"And with that, I bask in my victory."  
  
"Oh, I'm too tired and in too much pain to deal with you right now."  
  
"I'm getting up. Do you need anything?"  
  
"If you could get the blue pillow off my bed I'd appreciate it."  
  
"Got it. Allie?"  
  
"I'm all set."  
  
As Mae got off the couch, Shana, still in her uniform, let herself into the apartment.  
  
"Do you know what I just realized?" she asked, eyes wide.  
  
"Here it comes," said Allie.  
  
"What did you realize?" Courtney asked.  
  
Shana seemed to let the thought roll around in her mind for a moment before answering. "I'm going to be thirty tomorrow."  
  
Allie looked at her watch. "Five forty-three. I have to go call Ace."  
  
"Ace? Why do you need to call Ace?" Shana asked.  
  
"To see if I won the 'Scarlett begins freaking out when she realizes her twenties are over' pool." She began dialing.  
  
Frantic, Shana exclaimed, "My twenties are over!"  
  
Someone answered the phone. "Armbruster."  
  
"Ace? It's Jaye. It's happening."  
  
"Yeah? You got a time?"  
  
"Five forty-three."  
  
"I will never be married!" Shana cried. "I could've had my family started..."  
  
"Yeah, I think we can officially call the pool closed," Ace said. "Hang on, I'm gonna grab the board."  
  
"My dad should be a grandpa by now!"  
  
Covering the phone, Allie said, "Your dad *is* a grandpa. Your brother Frank's boy, remember?"  
  
"What? That doesn't count! That kid's practically got two heads!"  
  
"Okay, I'm back," said Ace. "Okay, let's see... nope, sorry, Jaye. If she had held out for twelve more minutes you'd have won."  
  
"Damn. Who did win?"  
  
"You ready for this? Duke."  
  
"Are you serious?" Allie laughed.  
  
"Yep. That should make things more interesting."  
  
"All right. Well, thanks, Ace."  
  
"No, thank *you*. I'll see you tomorrow?"  
  
"I'll be there. 'Night." She hung up.  
  
"Do you know," said Courtney, "I think you should think back to when I turned thirty. I belive I handled it with a great deal of grace and decorum, and that you could learn something from the example I set."  
  
"Yes, I remember when you turned thirty," Shana replied. "You cried for three solid days and walked around the base in your private school uniform. Which, incidentally, did not fit you anymore."  
  
"But I walked *gracefully*."  
  
"Wow. You guys are old," said Allie.  
  
"You know, you're gonna be here someday, too."  
  
"Yeah, in six years. I'm thinking of having my head frozen until they can find a cure for it."  
  
"I know I need to calm down," said Shana, "Because that actually sounded like a workable plan just now. I'm gonna go freshen up. Be right back." She headed down the hall.  
  
As Allie continued to make old jokes at Courtney, Mae followed Shana to the bathroom door. Knocking gently, she asked, "Shana? Are you busy?"  
  
"Uh... kinda. Do you need to get in here? I'll just be a minute."  
  
"No, no, it's nothing like that. Believe me, I wish it was. I can wait."  
  
"I'm done. Hang on." Mae heard the door unlock as the water ran. As she stepped inside, Shana was washing her hands. "What's up? she asked.  
  
"Sorry to rush you. It's just that this is the only room in the apartment with any real privacy."  
  
"Mine's the same way. I understand. Something on your mind?"  
  
"Just a little bit. I was talking to Doc today."  
  
"Everything all right?"  
  
"Yeah, for the most part. He showed me my file."  
  
Shana turned. "He did? Really?"  
  
"Well, he didn't let me sit down and read it or anything. He just showed me a couple of pages." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I didn't realize there was so much background on me. I'm only eighteen."  
  
"Sure. We have to be pretty thourough."  
  
"He didn't tell me who compiled it, you know."  
  
"He's not supposed to."  
  
"I mean, I assume it would be someone in Intelligence."  
  
"That would make the most amount of sense."  
  
Mae took a deep breath. "Shana, I know I haven't been here very long, and I also know don't really know you that well, but what you think of me is very important to me, and I want you to know that I Was talking to Doc about my parents and I know that I didn't kill them, but... I'm going to start trying to believe it."  
  
Shana looked at Mae a long time. Then she took Mae in her arms, rocking her gently as she began to cry softly. "You're going to let Doc help you?" she asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And if he decides it's necessary, you'll let him find someone else who can help you?"  
  
"Yes." She sniffed. "I'm sorry. You must have thought I was completely insane."  
  
"Of course not. You were just a little kid. It's just time you got over this, that's all." She kissed Mae's forehead gently, the way her father used to kiss hers. Then she smiled and said, "That's not me saying I wrote your dossier, by the way."  
  
Mae laughed. "Of course not." 


	10. Part Ten

Newbie - Part 10  
  
Disclaimer: Hasbro owns G.I. Joe. I don't. Please don't sue. I do own Cricket, however.  
  
I've gotten TONS of feedback; thanks, everyone. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. There may be an epilogue (I have an idea, but it may wind up being a separate story), but this is going to wrap up this particular story.  
  
I especially want to thank everyone for the Colton nods, especially those who voted Chapter Four as Best Battle. My ego probably didn't need the help :) , but I really appreciate the recognition.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket stood on the balls of her feet in the center of the room, arrow notched, her eyes darting from wall to wall. Silently, a target flew out of the wall behind her; she wheeled around and shot it dead center before it had travelled more than three inches. Drawing another arrow, Cricket realized that she had been in this room for over half an hour, and she was running out of targets. She was starting to think about what she felt like doing that day when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye.  
  
She turned, drawing her bow, when Duke hit the floor screaming, "Hold your fire!"  
  
"Jesus!" Cricket exclaimed. "Watch it!"  
  
Duke stood up angrily. "Watch it?" he said. "Come here. See this switch?" He indicated a red light switch by the door, next to the white one more commonly found around the base. "This switch turns on the light outside this room, letting people know that there's a live fire exercise going on in here."  
  
Cricket shrank. "Oh. So I should've -"  
  
"Turned the damned thing on!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Duke exhaled. "Get into your uniform. I need you on a transport to New York in twenty minutes."  
  
"What? I'm off duty today."  
  
"It's Saturday; lots of people who're supposed to be off are getting called back. We have a situation. It shouldn't take long to fix, and you'll be back here by one or two." He checked his watch. "I gotta run. Be at the briefing room in twenty."  
  
"All right. Oh, did you get the thing?"  
  
Duke grinned. "Yeah. It arrived yesterday. Thanks for the heads up. If this works, I have a five-day pass with your name on it."  
  
*****  
  
Mae entered the apartment quietly, trying not to wake Courtney. She was surprised to find her sitting on the couch.  
  
"Hey!" she said. "What are you doing up? It's not even six yet."  
  
"I couldn't sleep. Too much noise," Courtney yawned. "Go in your room. See for yourself."  
  
*****  
  
"Hey, you," Allie said sleepily.  
  
"Hey," Dash answered. "How you feeling?"  
  
"Pretty good. Wouldn't mind feeling a little better."  
  
"I think I could manage that." He kissed her deeply. "I love you."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Backatcha. Ow! No pinching!"  
  
"Then say it."  
  
"Ow! Okay! Okay!" A slight pause. "Ditto. Ow!" She began laughing. "Okay, okay! Jerk. I love you."  
  
"Was that so hard?"  
  
"It was torture. Hey, speaking of h-"  
  
"You know something?" Dash said, interrupting Allie. "You're amazing. There's literally nothing I wouldn't do for you."  
  
"Nothing?"  
  
"Nothing. Do you have something in mind?"  
  
"Bring me the head of the Baptist."  
  
"No problem. Do you want me to do it myself, or can I send someone?"  
  
"Why can't you go do it yourself?"  
  
"Because I was thinking I could stay here and touch this for a while."  
  
"Touch wha- oooohhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...."  
  
Meanwhile, Mae was on the other side of a paper-thin wall, trying very hard to change her clothes without finding something sharp to poke out her eardrums.  
  
*****  
  
"Oh, my God!" Mae said when she rejoined Courtney.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"I mean - Oh, my GOD!"  
  
"I know. You may have noticed that I'm out here."  
  
"Do they know?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I don't think they'd much care if they did know. I do know that Duke had the wall he shares with Allie's bedroom soundproofed."  
  
"Can we do that?" Mae asked as she sat down next to Courtney.  
  
"If we can think of a way to present it to Hawk without telling him why we want it. Where are you going?"  
  
"Duke stopped in while I was drilling." Mae pulled on her right sock, then inspected the blister she'd received on her left toe on her first day. It was almost gone now. "He says I have to go to New York."  
  
"What's in New York?"  
  
"The Yankees. Who, by the way, suck."  
  
"Well, there's a bitter little Red Sox fan. I mean, why are you going to New York?"  
  
"Duke didn't say. How are you feeling?"  
  
"A little better, I think. I'll know more when I start to move around."  
  
"Duke thinks I'll be back in a few hours. You think you'll be up to going to the party tonight?"  
  
"At least for a while. I'll see you when you get back."  
  
"Bye." Mae turned and left. Courtney reached down and picked up Mae's boots, which she had left behind. She held them up as the front door opened once again, as Mae ran in, grabbed them, and ran back out.  
  
*****  
  
"All right, listen up," said Duke, waiting for everyone to shuffle into the briefing room. "Is everyone here?"  
  
Cricket looked around. There were probably thirty or thirty-five Joes milling around the room drinking coffee and yawning. Duke was at the front, flanked by Scarlett, whose arm was still in a sling, and Beach Head, who Cricket supposed didn't need sleep.  
  
"Where's Flint and Ja-" Duke began, then rolled his eyes and said, "No, don't anyone answer that."  
  
"They're on their way," Scarlett said into her styrofoam cup. She'd been the one who had to find them.  
  
"Let's get started. We have film, about forty minutes old, of Cobra agents breaking into the Federal Reserve in New York City. There's -"  
  
"You got me up at 5:30 for a bank robbery?" someone yelled from the back.  
  
"It's not a bank robbery, Grunt," said Scarlett. "The Federal Reserve Banks are where money gets sent to banks into general circulation. Corporate income taxes came due this past week; there were deposits made early this morning. We're talking about hundreds of millions of dollars in cash."  
  
"Deposits were sent to all twelve branches, but the vast majority of it went to New York," Duke continued. "In addition to New York, an alarm went off in the Richmond Bank as well, so we're going to be sending teams to all of the branches to be safe."  
  
Cricket shot her hand up.  
  
"Now, it's only been about a week since they lost the Gravity Core. They don't usually turn up again this quickly. They won't have had time to fully regroup, so this should really be an in-and-out thing."  
  
Cricket started waving her hand insistently.  
  
"I know most of you guys had today off, and we're all looking forward to tonight, so let's - what, Cricket?"  
  
"Can I go to Boston?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"There's a Federal Reserve in Boston. It's next to South Station."  
  
"I know where it is."  
  
"Can I go?"  
  
"No. You're going to New York."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because you're going to New York. And now, I'd like everyone to give a hand to Flint and Jaye for deigning to show up." There was a smattering of applause as the pair tried to slip into the back of the room unnoticed.  
  
"Hey guys," Flint said, waving. "What'd I miss?"  
  
"The Fed," said Scarlett.  
  
"It's happening?"  
  
"Yeah," said Duke, "about forty-five minutes ago. Which means that we have absolutely no time at all to get there. Here are your orders," he continued, holding up envelopes. "Find yours and get moving. Yo Joe!"  
  
"Yo Joe!" came the response, as it took Cricket a little while to realize that the envelopes were in alphabetical order.  
  
"One more thing," said Scarlett. "I know this should go without saying, but if news crews show up, and they probably will, the only comment out of your mouth is to be that General Abernathy will be holding a news conference today at noon at the Pentagon. Thanks to Hector Ramirez, G.I. Joe's existence has been public for about a year now. Our day-to-day operations are not. Do. Not. Comment."  
  
"Oh, hang on!" Quick Kick muttered something to the Joes who were within earshot. Then, in his normal voice, he said, "Ready?"  
  
The ten or so Joes nearest Quick Kick, who were joined in short order by everyone in the room, sang "Happy Birthday" to Scarlett, who blushed and smiled.  
  
"Thanks, guys!" she said. "Now get your asses into your planes."  
  
*****  
  
The transport plane only took about fifteen minutes to reach its destination. Cricket re-strung her bow as she sat between Snake Eyes, whose shallow breathing was the only indication Cricket had that he was even alive, and Shipwreck, who was arguing with his parrot.  
  
As the plane neared the drop zone, Snake made no movements. Cricket said, "Snake Eyes? We're here. Are you all right?" Still nothing. She touched his shoulder, which caused him to twitch suddenly, then look around him.  
  
"Snake Eyes," Cricket asked, "were you sleeping?"  
  
Snake shook his head no.  
  
"Really?"  
  
He waited a moment, then signed.  
  
"He says 'It's six a.m. on a Saturday'," Quick Kick translated from across the aisle. "We've got a sleepy ninja."  
  
Snake shrugged. "I was up too late last night."  
  
"'Felicity' marathon ran longer than you expected?"  
  
"Actually, I was compiling my list of 'Most Painful Ways To Make Quick Kick Scream Like A Woman'."  
  
"I have a couple of ex-girlfriends that could probably help you with that list."  
  
"I'll be sure to get in touch with them."  
  
As the exit door opened, Slip-Stream yelled from the cabin, "We're here! Get your asses out the door!"  
  
*****  
  
Cricket really, really, really enjoyed HALOing onto the roof of the Fed. She was definitely going to have to do that again.  
  
Getting to her feet, she unclipped her bow from its latch on her quiver, and looked around. Snake Eyes and Stalker had landed on the roof; everyone else were either on the ground below or on the roofs of surrounding buildings.  
  
"Beach?" Stalker spoke into his wrist phone. "This is Stalker. You read?"  
  
"I read," came the reply.  
  
"Who's with you?"  
  
"I have Grunt, Clutch, Jaye, Grand Slam and Zap. Short Fuze, Quick Kick and Shipwreck are on the other side. Doc and his assistant are here too. Everyone else is on the roofs."  
  
"Okay. I have Snake and Cricket with me. We're going in."  
  
"Same here. Meet you in the middle. Beach out."  
  
Stalker walked to the roof access door, trying it, unsurprised when it turned out to be locked. Before he could turn around, three shiruken lodged themselves into the locking mechanism, causing the door to swing open slowly of its own accord.  
  
Stalker slowly turned around. "Dammit, Snake, I almost -" he stopped short. Snake had turned and was running toward another ninja, clad in white, with a Cobra emblem on his chest.  
  
"Come on," he told Cricket, "let's get inside."  
  
"But shouldn't we -"  
  
"No. He can handle it. Inside."  
  
As they descended the stairs, Cricket said, "So Cobra knows we're here, obviously."  
  
"Not necessarily. Storm Shadow's gonna want a go at Snake without any distraction. Last thing he'd want is Fang Face screaming and hollering as he sent in more troops."  
  
"So if Cobra doesn't already know, how much time do you think we have?"  
  
"Not much. Ten minutes, tops. We've been picked up by three cameras already."  
  
At that, a Crimson Guardsman stepped out from around the corner. By his body language, he had obviously not been expecting to see them. Cricket kicked him in the gut, then punched him in the back of the head, sending him out, but not before the Guardsman behind him managed to sound the alarm.  
  
"Crap. Get ready," said Stalker.  
  
Roughly 70% of the arrows in Cricket's quiver had rounded heads. She could take headshots at anyone wearing a helmet without fear of killing them, something she always tried to avoid whenever possible. Further, they were weighted differently; at close enough range, the target would feel like he had been hit in the head with a hammer. The guard who pulled the alarm was the first to go down.  
  
There were exit signs on opposite ends of the hallway. Stalker asked, "Do you feel like you can go off by yourself?"  
  
"Yeah. Go. I'll be fine."  
  
Cricket ran down the stairwell. After a few floors, coming up to meet her were both Crimson Guardsmen and regular Cobra officers. It probably wasn't a thousand, no matter how sure she might have been that it was.  
  
Her hand reached behind her back, grabbing two arrows and notching them in her bow in one fluid motion. Drawing the bow and releasing the shafts, they impacted dead center into the helmets of the two officers in front, cracking their helmets and sending them down, slowing progress for the soldiers behind them.  
  
She swung herself over the railing and jumped onto the heads of another pair of troopers, then swung over *that* railing and dropped on the floor below. She found the exit door, opened it, and closed it behind her, latching it.  
  
Cricket took a second and slowed her breathing, trying to listen for footsteps, or talking, or any noise at all. None.  
  
She walked down a hallway, looking in cubicles on either side of her for anything unusual. On the fax machine table, she noticed a half-empty box of donuts, which reminded her of how hungry she was. Looking around, seeing she was alone, she grabbed one and munched on it hungrily. She'd gotten about halfway through it when she remembered it was Saturday.  
  
This donut shouldn't have been fresh.  
  
"'Ello," Cricket heard behind her. She quickly turned around to find two men dressed as bikers holding cans of grape soda. She recognized them from Joe files as two of Zartan's Dreadnoks, but couldn't remember which was which. They were unarmed, not having expected anyone to turn up.  
  
"'Ello," Cricket replied, mouth full of donut. She quickly swallowed and asked, "Where'd you get the tonic?"  
  
"The wha?" asked the blond one.  
  
"Sorry. Soda."  
  
"There's a vending machine 'bout fitty feet behind us," replied the one with brown hair, his voice full of amusement.  
  
"Been a while since I saw grape soda in a vending machine," Cricket said.  
  
"Well," said the blond one, smiling, "I guess today's our lucky day."  
  
Cricket swallowed. She didn't like the sound of that at ALL. "I don't suppose you guys want to surrender?"  
  
"What, to you?"  
  
"I'm the only one here." It sounded a lot braver than she felt.  
  
Brown-hair smiled. "We noticed that, too."  
  
The smiles vanished when, less than a second later, they were staring at the business ends of a pair of very sharp arrows aimed directly for their heads. "Don't move. If you blink I swear to God I'll fucking drill you." Then she remembered something. "Where's your friend?"  
  
The blond one said, "'E's wif Zartan. They're breakin' into the vault."  
  
"Why aren't you two down there?"  
  
"The alarm. We got sent up with the other troopers to look for Joes."  
  
"Bangup job you're doing, too."  
  
They were all silent for a moment, when the brunette suddenly lurched forward.  
  
Cricket lowered her bow slightly, and sent the arrows into the Dreadnoks' shoulders, pinning them to the wall behind them. They cried out in pain, and Cricket punched them both simultaneously, knocking them cold.  
  
She then ran off, wanting nothing but to wash the ick off her.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket's wrist phone crackled. "All Joes report in."  
  
"This is Cricket. I'm on... it looks like the fourth floor."  
  
"This is Stalker. Anything interesting to report?"  
  
"I've left two Dreadnoks on the sixth floor. There are a couple of Cobras in the stairwell that will probably need medical attention. Otherwise, nothing serious to report. What's going on?"  
  
"We're pretty much all set. Zartan and Ripper were breaking into the vault. Almost made it through, too. We're just mopping up at this point."  
  
"Sorry I couldn't have been more help."  
  
"You did plenty. We can't all save the day every time. Keep your eyes open; there's still a few snakes running about. Stalker out."  
  
Cricket stretched; her neck was stiff. As she cracked it, she closed her eyes and lowered her bow. However, as she continued stretching, she heard a surprised voice behind her exclaim, "You!"  
  
She wheeled around just in time to see a man in grey camo kick her bow out of her hand.  
  
"Oh. Hi." Cricket remembered Firefly from her days stationed at Ft. Hama. He had attempted to steal the Gravity Core while she was guarding it. Although she became a minor celebrity for being able to beat him down, she had really only kicked him in the balls and sent him on his way. She knew he was much more skilled than she, and that she had been extraordinarily lucky.  
  
Firefly then proceeded to demonstrate this by using her as a hackysack. She fought back as best she could, but was, in very short order, purely playing defense. Soon, even that wasn't enough, and she was flat on her back, trying unsuccessfully to get his foot off her chest.  
  
"You beat me before," he said quietly.  
  
"Oh, was that you?"  
  
"You got lucky. You don't deserve to be here." He drew his pistol and aimed it at her face. "Ask me for your life."  
  
"Go to hell," she snarled.  
  
Firefly slowly cocked the hammer.  
  
Oh my God, Cricket thought. This is it. This is how I die.  
  
Pater noster qui es in coelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum -  
  
"No!" A green and black blur had come from nowhere and knocked Firefly off of her chest. Cricket could only stare at the ceiling above her as her pulse began to go even more quickly, listening to the noise of the fight go on next to her.  
  
Silence.  
  
"So, are you gonna get up or not?"  
  
Cricket turned her head to find Beach Head standing over her. After a moment, he offered her a hand. "Come on. We're almost done here."  
  
As he helped her up, Cricket said, "Thanks, Beach."  
  
"You wanna thank me, Princess?" he snapped. "Gather your shit and get a move on. That'd be the most amazing thing to happen to me all day. We're sweeping the building. Meet the others in the lobby downstairs." He turned to leave.  
  
Cricket smiled as she gathered her arrows, which had spilled everywhere. "You like me!" she called after him.  
  
"No I don't!" he said, exiting into the stairwell.  
  
*****  
  
Cricket was running down the stairs when her phone crackled again. "Mae? It's Allie. You there?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
"I'm a little banged up, but I'm fine."  
  
"Everyone's down here except you and Snake. Have you seen him?"  
  
"No."  
  
"All right; he must still be on the roof. He isn't answering. Can you run up there and see if you can find him?"  
  
"Sure," she said, turning around and running up the stairs.  
  
"Zap and I will meet you up there. Jaye out."  
  
She ran to the top floor, noting that the two troopers she injured were gone; she supposed that Doc and Edwin had already taken care of things.  
  
She had a hard time opening the roof access door. When she finally got it open, she realized that this was because the wind was incredible. There was a news copter flying very low over the roof; The explosion by the vault had attracted a lot of attention. The cameraman whirled around and got a close up of the woman who'd just burst onto the roof, her shoulder-length brown hair whipping around her face, holding a longbow taller than she was. She was quickly joined on the roof by two additional soldiers, who had to shout to make themselves heard to each other.  
  
*****  
  
In an apartment in South Boston, Liz MacDougal was watching her son while he threw Matchbox cars at each other. The TV, showing cartoons in the background, broke in with an update on the news story they'd been reporting on all morning.  
  
"... -n update on the explosion in the Federal Reserve Building in New York. Our New York affiliate is sending us footage gathered twenty minutes ago ..."  
  
"Billy, honey, quiet down. Momma's trying to watch this."  
  
"Is this the news?" he asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"News is boring."  
  
"I still want to watch this."  
  
"I'm just playing."  
  
"Play more quietly."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"... has been positively identified as Corporal Rafael "Zap" Melendez, an original member of the G.I. Joe counter-terrorist strike force ..."  
  
Jack came in from the bedroom. "Morning."  
  
"Good morning."  
  
"Good morning, Daddy!"  
  
"Hey, big guy. Are you behaving?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"If I ask your mom if you're behaving, what will she say?"  
  
"She'll say yes."  
  
"Very good."  
  
"Wanna play cars?"  
  
"Maybe after breakfast." He looked at the TV. "What's going on?"  
  
"There was an explosion in a federal building in Manhattan," answered Liz. "They're not sure what's going on yet."  
  
"Mmm. Anyone hurt?"  
  
"They don't think so."  
  
"Aun'Mae's on TV," said Billy.  
  
"They're just army guys, buddy," said Jack. "Your aunt's in Colorado right now."  
  
"Aun'Mae's on TV," Billy repeated. "Lookit."  
  
Liz smiled. "Sweetie, I promise you, she's -"  
  
"Holy shit. He's right."  
  
"What?" They all turned their attention to the screen, where someone who was unmistakably a bruised and bloodied Mary MacDougal was standing on the roof of the Federal Reserve Building, shouting at a pair of soldiers while pointing at the camera.  
  
Jack turned up the volume. "... while the involvement of G.I. Joe would indicate that the terrorist group known as Cobra was involved, there has been no definite comment made. However, I'm now being told that G.I. Joe's leader, General Clayton 'Hawk' Abernathy, will be answering some questions at a noontime press conference. We'll take you there when that begins. Again, it has been confirmed that G.I. Joe is in the process of locking down the Federal Reserve Building after an explosion occurred there about 5:30 this morning, Eastern Standard Time."  
  
Things were quiet in the MacDougal household for a while.  
  
*****  
  
Jaye swung the door open. She tried to grab Cricket's attention by calling her by name. "Ma-"  
  
"No names!" Cricket shouted. Pointing to the helicopter, she said, "That's a news copter! Jack works in news; they'll have someone who can read lips look at the tape!"  
  
Zap asked, "Have you seen Snake?"  
  
Cricket nodded. "He's on the roof of the building next to us on the north side, 'bout two floors down. He and the guy in the white suit are still going at it."  
  
Lady Jaye rolled her eyes. "Figures." She looked at Cricket. "Are you sure you're all right?"  
  
"Yeah. We'll talk later." They went to the side of the building and watched the fight. Cricket had never seen Snake Eyes really unload on someone without holding back, and it was HELLISHLY impressive.  
  
"We're WAY too public here," Zap said. "He'll do this all day if we let him. We gotta get him out of here."  
  
"Snake Eyes!" Jaye called into her phone. "Snake Eyes! Acknowledge!" He continued to ignore her.  
  
The copter had, by now, turned its attention to the ninjas fighting on the roof as well. It was far enough away that the wind was no longer quite such a factor. Cricket notched two arrows and fired towards the other roof. They landed on either side of Storm Shadow's feet, which caused both combtants to turn their attention to the Joes on the Federal Reserve's roof. Seeing they were no longer alone, Storm Shadow said something to Snake that no one else could hear, then leapt over the side of the roof. By the time the copter swung around to see where he went, he had disappeared.  
  
Snake Eyes signalled to Jaye, "Everything all set?"  
  
Jaye picked up her phone. "My God, you're a pain in the ass."  
  
Snake held up a finger as if to say "Hold on," then turned on his phone. He then signalled, "Sorry, I turned it off. Did you say something?"  
  
Jaye could only turn around and go downstairs, lest she scream obscenities on national TV.  
  
*****  
  
Once the adrenaline rush was over, Cricket could barely move. She spent the plane ride home with her eyes closed. She didn't realize she had fallen asleep until Snake Eyes gently shook her awake. She sleepily looked up at him, as he indicated with his head that it was time to go.  
  
"'Mup. I'm up." She rose creakily, feeling a dull ache set in pretty much everywhere. "Ow."  
  
Snake looked at her, then ruffled her hair before he turned and left.  
  
*****  
  
"Courtney?" Mae called. "You up?"  
  
"Yeah." She was slumped on the couch, but turned as much as she could to look at Mae. "How'd it go?"  
  
"Good guys won."  
  
"Yay us."  
  
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking."  
  
"You need to call your brother."  
  
"Was something up?"  
  
"Other than the fact that he saw his little sister positively identified as a member of G.I. Joe today, no, nothing really."  
  
"He what?" Mae exclaimed.  
  
"You were on the news."  
  
"Oh, Christ." She flopped on the couch.  
  
"Holy God!" Courtney said. "You look like hell!"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Are you all right?" What happened?"  
  
"I saw Firefly." She kicked her boots off. "He was pissed."  
  
"He's insane. What'd you do?"  
  
"I decided it would be easier if I just let him kick my ass." She settled into the couch. She was finally starting to form her own groove in there, and she slid right into it.   
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"It turns out that I remember the 'Our Father' in Latin."  
  
"What? Mae, are you -"  
  
"Beach Head was there. It turned out all right."  
  
"Beach Head's a huge assache," said Courtney, "but there's no one I'd rather have with me."  
  
Mae looked at Courtney, eyebrows raised.  
  
"In a fight, you dork."  
  
"Well, maybe I should have him come up here and talk to Jack for me." She reached for the phone. "This is gonna be fun."  
  
"How'd he get this number?"  
  
"Jack's wicked laid-back, but he turns into a force of nature when he's pissed. If he got a hold of enough of the right people, I have no trouble imagining him getting the phone number." She started dialing. "Which means that I'll probably have to buy Breaker a drink tonight."  
  
She finished dialing. "Hi, Liz. Yeah, it's me. I'm fine. No, I promise, it looked a lot worse than it feels. Um... is Jack really upset? Okay, good. Yeah, put him on. I love you too. Bye... Hey, Jackie. I'm fine. Really. I'm okay... yes. Yes, I am. Because I couldn't! Yes, even my family! Jack... Jack... no, let me say... John! I *am* being careful! Look, there's a lot I can't talk about. Because it's classified, you tool! ... They think I can help, and I'm not gonna argue with them. Do you have *any* idea what a privilige it is to be here? Okay, *that's* why I'm here. And because I can make a difference. That's all I want... I know... yes, I know... really?" She smiled. "Thank you. I know, Jackie. I AM being good. Look... I may have a five-day pass coming my way soon. I talked about bringing... yes, it's really her." She turned to Courtney. "He can't wait to meet you."  
  
"Leave me out of this until he calms down. Tell him I said hi."  
  
"She says hi. Jack, this is what I want." She smiled again. "No, I'm gonna do it anyway. I love you. I have to go, but I'll call you really soon. Okay? Oh, yeah! Yeah, put him on real quick! ... Hey buddy! How are you? I'm good! ... Yeah? That's a lot! I think I might be coming to see you really soon! I can't wait! ... Thanks, buddy! I love you! Lemme talk to your mom.... Hi, Liz. Is he calmer now? Good. I AM being careful. I will. I will... I was just saying that I might have a five-day pass soon. I'll let you know when I know for sure. Okay. I love you, Mom... stop it, you're gonna make me cry too... I love you. I'll talk to you soon. Okay. Okay. Bye." She hung up and sank deeper into the couch.  
  
"That sounds like it could've gone a whole lot worse," Courtney said.  
  
"He said he was really proud of me." Mae beamed. "He thinks Dad would have been, too."  
  
"I'm sure he's right."  
  
"And on top of that, Billy thinks I looked really cool."  
  
"Wow, is he young and impressionable."  
  
"I *am* really cool."  
  
"Except that you're really not. You are, on the other hand, a hell of a soldier. And a really good kid. Go hop in the shower. You'll feel better."  
  
"Are you trying to say something?"  
  
"I'm trying not to say that you smell like butt. Get moving."  
  
Mae rose from the couch and headed toward the bathroom. "You want anything while I'm up?"  
  
"Actually, if you could get me a couple of Tylenol, that'd be great. I've already got some water."  
  
Mae found the Tylenol and brought them over. She noticed that Courtney was looking down. "Are you all right? Are you in pain?"  
  
"No. I'm all right." She took the Tylenol, washing them down. She grabbed Mae's hand as she turned to leave. "Mae? I think... I think it's really great. That your family called you."  
  
Mae pressed Courtney's hand for a minute, then went into the bathroom.  
  
*****  
  
Mae helped Courtney shuffle into the rec hall. The news was playing on the big screen TV with the sound off, playing the footage gathered by the news copter endlessly. Mae was shocked to see how terrible she looked; no wonder Jack and Liz were so worried. Of course, as soon as the footage reached the point of Snake fighting Storm Shadow, the room grew quiet as everyone stopped what else they were doing to pay attention, no matter how many times everyone had already seen it.  
  
Shana met them as soon as she saw them. "Courtney! It's great to see you up and around!" She hugged Courtney hard.  
  
"Hey, Shan... okay, ow. Too hard."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Don't be. You owe me a real one as soon as I'm better."  
  
Shana turned to Mae. "How are you doing?"  
  
"I'm fine. A little sore."  
  
In a low voice, Shana said, "Beach says -"  
  
"I don't care what Beach says. I'm fine."  
  
"Beach says you handled yourself well. He would have liked it better if you'd won, of course, but you didn't back down."  
  
Mae exhaled. "Shana, I was so *scared*."  
  
"Not everyone in Cobra is the Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight. You need to realize that."  
  
"I got it."  
  
"Okay. I talked to Snake. He's gonna schedule more time for you. We're gonna work on your hand-to-hand a little bit. Also know that any time you want to spar, I'm right across the hall. All right?"  
  
"All right."  
  
"You talked to your brother?"  
  
"Wow, you work fast."  
  
"I'm sorry. This is the part of my job that I really hate. What did you tell him?"  
  
"I confirmed that it was me he saw on the news. Which I couldn't wriggle out of, because, well, he's met me. I'd told him before who my roommate was, so he's figured that out, too."  
  
"That's all right. Courtney was a public face before she got here; she was outed a long time ago. Anything else?"  
  
"No, that was it. Except that Billy thinks I'm really cool."  
  
"Yes, but Billy is four. He has plenty of time to reassess his worldview. Okay, honey. End of lecture. Go relax."  
  
Quick Kick walked up to the women. "Hi, Cover Girl. How are you doing?"  
  
"I'm better, Kick. Thanks."  
  
He turned to Shana. "Hey, Scarlett. Shipwreck said you were looking for me?"  
  
"Yeah." She reached into a bag she was carrying. "You like movies, right? I got this as a present from my brother Brian. I don't know what he was thinking. I thought you might appreciate it more." She handed him a small black box.  
  
He boggled. "You don't want this?"  
  
"Not really. Do you?"  
  
"This is a classic! Hey, it's got the 1932 *and* the 1983 version!" He wheeled around and turned to the vastly male population of the room. "Hey guys! Look what Scarlett's giving away!"  
  
Almost in unison, the men screamed, "SCARFACE!"  
  
Courtney asked, "What the hell is it with men and that movie?"  
  
"I'll be right back." Scarlett crossed the room, approaching Breaker, who was losing at pinball. "Breaker. Can I talk to you for a minute."  
  
"Yeah." He turned to Grunt, who was standing nearby, and said, "You can finish my game." They walked to a corner of the room where no one was around, and he said, "Look, Scarlett, I know what you're gonna say -"  
  
"What the hell were you thinking?"  
  
"I figured that's what you'd lead off with."  
  
"You confirmed to John MacDougal that his sister was in G.I. Joe on an *unsecured phone line* and then gave him her inside phone number?"  
  
"Scar-"  
  
"Do you have any idea how many security violations you committed?"  
  
Breaker looked at her levelly. "He saw his kid sister on national TV with her face in shreds. He was apeshit."  
  
"I'm apeshit right now, and I'm in the room with you. Who sounds like the person you'd rather be pissing off further?"  
  
"It was the right thing to do, Scar."  
  
She sighed, then gave him a very slight smirk. "That's the only thing stopping me from kicking your ass in front of everyone."  
  
Breaker let himself relax. "I appreciate your restraint."  
  
"You'd better. I'm gonna try to talk Duke down, who will then have to talk Hawk down." Breaker immediately tensed back up. "Oh, unclench. Hawk's reasonable. We'll have to change the number, but otherwise there's no real harm done. I wouldn't get too excited about any passes you might have lined up for the next few months, though. I don't see them lasting too long."  
  
Breaker shrugged. "Yeah, I figured."  
  
"You're a good man, Charlie Brown."  
  
Breaker smiled. "Happy Birthday, Scarlett."  
  
She groaned. "You people have to stop reminding me."  
  
*****  
  
Courtney got fairly weak fairly quickly, so Mae helped her back upstairs soon after. Courtney was getting pretty ornery, so Mae gave her her medicine and put her to bed.  
  
Mae sat down and turned the TV to a 'Monkees' rerun. She looked at the clock and couldn't belive it was only 2 pm. She fell asleep shortly after, as Mike wondered what he was doing hangin' 'round.  
  
*****  
  
"Hey." Mae squinted, and realized that Shana was sitting next to her.  
  
"Oh, hi. Did I wake you?"  
  
"No. I don't think so. Maybe. I dunno. What's up?"  
  
"I'm hiding. Allie and Dash are finishing their date."  
  
"Oh, God."  
  
Shana grinned. "Walls sure are thin, huh?"  
  
"I'm gonna hear this morning in my sleep for the rest of my life."  
  
"I, for one, am very jealous."  
  
Mae wiped some drool off her mouth. "Ugh. Was I snoring?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I like you 'cause you're gentle."  
  
"You asked."  
  
*****  
  
Most of the tables in the mess hall had been cleared away, giving everyone room to mill around. Roadblock was at the front of the hall, putting steaks on a huge grill. Rock 'n' Roll had set up an incomparable stereo system with speakers dotted at various points around the hall.  
  
It was filling up rapidly. With the exception of a skeleton crew who had to remain on duty, pretty much everyone was there. Most were in civilian clothes. Some were still in their uniforms, having come directly from work. Thunder was wearing a cowboy outfit, because the motor pool boys had gotten together and conviced him that it was going to be a costume party.  
  
Duke stood at the back of the room with Hawk and Doc; all were thoroughly enjoying their steaks.  
  
Duke looked up from his plate for the first time in five minutes. "So, we did good today."  
  
Hawk glowered. "I had to go on TV today." He munched some more of his steak. "I *hate* having to go on TV. Although when Congress sees that footage of Snake Eyes, our budget for next year should sail through with no problem."  
  
"Any permanent damage?"  
  
"No. Jaye got herself on TV again, but still no positive ID. Cricket did, too, but it seems the only one who recognized her was her brother, and Scarlett said that was nothing to worry about."  
  
"Speaking of whom -" Scarlett and Cricket entered the room, assisting Cover Girl. Duke gave them a wave, which they all returned.  
  
"You girl want anything?" Shana asked.  
  
"Tonic," replied Mae.  
  
"Beer," said Courtney.  
  
"You can't have alcohol on your medication."  
  
"Coke, then."  
  
Someone in the room said something that had become some kind of a code word, because it was soon followed by almost everyone responding in unison, "Say hello to my leetle frien'!" That was gonna get irritating after a while, Mae thought.  
  
As Shana left to get the drinks, Courtney said, "Okay, it's gonna have to be now. Where's Allie?"  
  
"Allie's over with Flint." Mae caught Allie's eye, who nodded and spoke to Flint.  
  
Shana returned, carrying two cups. "Here you go."  
  
Mae took a sip, then spit it out. "Gah! What the hell is this?"  
  
Shana looked surprised. "It's tonic water. It's what you asked for."  
  
"Tonic! Soda!"  
  
Courtney said, "She's speaking Boston again, honey. She meant pop."  
  
Shana laughed. "Sorry."  
  
Mae said, "Happens all the time. Can I show you something?" She took Shana by the arm, guiding her. "Come with me."  
  
*****  
  
Duke wondered what the hell was going on. Flint had asked him to join him in the other room, then shoved him inside a disused meat locker, latching the door behind him. In fact, the more he wondered what Flint was thinking, the angrier he made himself.  
  
At least the temperature control was off.  
  
The door opened suddenly, and Scarlett was flung through the door, yelling, "I said I was sorry about the tonic water!" only to have the door latched behind her as well. She sighed, then turned around and saw Duke. "Oh!" she said, startled. "Hi."  
  
"Hi," Duke said, suddenly aware of what was happening. Scarlett was smiling shyly. Her hair was untied, something he very rarely got to see.  
  
"You look good," he said.  
  
She scoffed. "I'm a mess."  
  
"No, you're not. You should wear your hair down more often."  
  
"It gets in the way." She looked around. "So, is there any way out of here?"  
  
"I'm sure they'll let us out of here sooner or later." Hopefully before the air runs out, he thought to himself.  
  
"Do you know what's going on?"  
  
"Um... I think so. I wanted to give you your present."  
  
"You could have done that outside."  
  
"Maybe so. This wasn't my idea."  
  
Scarlett started bouncing up and down. "So what'd you get me?"  
  
He handed her a small box. "Here."  
  
Shana gleefully unwrapped it, opening the box. "Oh, my God, Duke." It was a silver and porcelain cameo brooch. "This... how... ?"  
  
"Cricket told me you were window shopping at a faux-antique store and saw a brooch like this one. You told her it reminded you of one your mother had."  
  
"Sure, but I didn't think she was listening."  
  
"She was."  
  
"How did you afford this?"  
  
"I won the you-freaking-out pool."  
  
She looked up at him. "You did not."  
  
"I certainly did."  
  
Shana took the brooch out of its box, looking it over. Duke waited. As she turned it over to see how it clasped, she said, "There's a scuff here where... oh my. Duke, this... this is my mother's actual brooch."  
  
"Yes, I know."  
  
"I was playing with it when I was a little girl and I dropped it and I scuffed the back right here. This is my mother's brooch."  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
"It was her mother's. And her mother's before her. How did you -"  
  
"Brian says hi."  
  
"That little shit. He got me 'Scarface'."  
  
"He got you 'Scarface'?"  
  
"Here he was being wonderful and he let me think he was a total lunkhead."  
  
"Al Pacino 'Scarface'?"  
  
"Don't ruin this, Duke."  
  
"Cricket told me how much it upset you when your mother's jewelry got stolen, after your dad said you were going to get this when you were old enough. I called your brother. He works in insurance fraud."  
  
"He's my brother. We've met."  
  
"Whoever stole your mother's jewelry was actually stupid enough to try to insure what they didn't sell. He was able to track the original thief down. Then I remembered that I have the most elite strike force in the world at my disposal. Almost all of your mother's jewelry's been returned to your father."  
  
"Duke... I can't... what can I say?" She looked up at him. "Thank you."  
  
Duke swallowed hard. "Scarlett... Shana... I -"  
  
With that, Shana reached up and kissed him. "Thank you." She kissed him again. This time, he kissed her back.  
  
Shana looked in his eyes, holding his gaze. "I love you."  
  
Duke swallowed again. "I love you."  
  
A huge cheer suddenly erupted from the other side of the door, which made them both laugh.  
  
*****  
  
"Doc," said Hawk, whom Doc was carefully steering away from the goings on in the meat locker, "I just wanted to ask you about Cricket."  
  
"What do you need?"  
  
"You talked to her the other day? Do you think she'll be all right?"  
  
"What we say is priviliged, Hawk. You know that."  
  
"I know, I know. But just generally."  
  
"I think she'll be fine. She's had a tough life, but then again she's a tough kid. She seems to be willing to work on her outbursts. I think anyone who's read her dossier can already guess that she has survivor's guilt and abandonment issues. But she generally uses it to try to create a family dynamic around herself, and she's certainly not the only person in the room to do that." He ate a chucnk of his steak, even though he knew he was full. "On top of all that, she's cute as hell."  
  
Hawk frowned. "So if we don't let her indulge this family thing -"  
  
"That's not what I said."  
  
"'Sides, Hawk," said Flint, who had just joined them, "Look at her. She's been here two weeks and she's already everyone's little sister. Jaye and the girls haven't stopped talking about her since she got here. I haven't really spent a whole lot of time with her, but she's an exemplary soldier. And if she wants to build up a family here... well, is that such a bad thing?"  
  
"And who here hasn't punched out Clutch, anyway?" Doc asked.  
  
Hawk said, "You haven't. You're a pacifist."  
  
"If anyone could make me reconsider..."  
  
Hawk stared for a minute before exhaling and saying, "Yeah, I know."  
  
*****  
  
Mae, Courtney and Allie sat in a semi-circle, drinking flat soda out of plastic cups. All three were filled to their eyeballs with beef.  
  
"So, my young apprentice," said Allie, "You've been here almost two weeks now. What do you think?"  
  
"I think that I'm going to need that five-day pass just to get some sleep."  
  
"How are you doing?" Courtney asked her. "Feeling all right?"  
  
"I'm not gonna lie; I don't think I've ever been so afraid."  
  
"You wanna quit?" Allie asked her.  
  
"No, of course not."  
  
"Then you'll be fine."  
  
"And you," Mae said to Courtney. "You coming with me to Boston?"  
  
"Sure, for a few days," she said. "I can't hide in the apartment forever. I'm gonna start climbing the walls. Or I would, if the thought of doing so wasn't agonizingly painful."  
  
Shana came over. "I kissed a boy!" she said excitedly.  
  
The girls raised their cups. "Happy birthday, Shana."  
  
"Thanks." She took all three in a group hug.  
  
"All right, all right," said Allie when Shana finally let go. "Go find your man."  
  
"I have a man! And it's Conrad!" She paused. "I don't know if I can call him that."  
  
"Well, go figure it out!" said Courtney. "We'll want details!"  
  
Shana grinned goofily, then disappeared into the crowd.  
  
"Ayuh," said Mae, putting her feet upon an empty chair in front of her. "I think this is gonna work out just fine. 


End file.
